I am fool!

The crushes have all ended.
That was fast.
Instead, I have a crush on a sweetheart from Bulgaria.
It's funny how you can fall so un-believably in love with someone you hardly know...
But then again, if they allow you to do so,
why not?
Crush 1 died a silent death.
Crush 2 might be ugh-ly straight.
and Crush 3 will only smile.
BREAKING NEWS: Romal, you're going to be single for ever...

But I've discovered Laya, and all thanks to Brother Bear 1, the DVD is now my solace.
Culture is my only hope. I will discover all that I need to. I will learn, express, study, experience and enjoy culture. I will have an eternal affair till the day I die.
If someone finds me in that process and the lord wants it all to fall in place...
I will be in love.
If he doesn't...
Then so be it...
The Indian Ocean and all that she's done to my race, people, language and culture, will be my never ending love story, for now :)

"It all ended even before it started, and I knew it would end. I am fool!"

A tale of three crushes

What do you do when you have a crush, actually several crushes? I have always had one crush at a time and often more than not, I have ended up with the guy I had a crush on, but now suddenly I am single and there are too many men in my life who fall into place, and match my every requirement in a guy. Can I be blamed for having a crush?
This is for those of you who care…
Who do I pursue, is it worth-it pursuing them, and am I just being a stupid romantic to think things might work out? I will describe my options and hopefully kill half my crush in the process, but you can comment and help me solve my eternal question…
To whom do I beautifully belong?

Crush One:
A beautiful guy, far older to me, we’ve bumped into each other quite often and have never spoken. We just got in touch recently when I literally hounded his friends till I connected to him on facebook and got his email id. We chat regularly and he’s so like me. We listen to the same music, believe in the same ideologies, and quite often have magic working in the air even while we chat. Only problem is he believes in fluid sexuality, which I believe in too, but do not subscribe to. He is currently asexual and I have no clue whether he’s even interested in me. We just flirt a lot.

Crush Two:
This is the guy who I fell for the moment I joined my new office. He sits two rows away from me and all I need to do to check him out is stand up. I cannot look him in the eye, for I fear the reaction I’ll receive, but he seems so amiable with everyone around me. I don’t know anything about him and don’t think he wants to know anything about me. But every time I catch him looking at me, I can’t breathe. It’s not funny and even though it sounds cute, it’s the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. I also have to keep restraining myself from looking that way, and it’s really really hard.

Crush 'on the process of happening' Three:
This guy is a looker. Another someone at work, all the girls have their eyes on him. He smiles a lot at me, and even spoke to me – thrice, but that’s it. He seems my type, and is all quiet all the time, a geek of sorts and extremely interesting. He’s the lean type though and even though I’m surprised he isn’t seeing anyone, I’m afraid he’s the type who doesn’t want to either. I still steal glances at him every time I cross his cubicle and he notices every time. Highly embarrassing… I need help.

On the reflex, I’m happy…
Atleast I finally find more than one man interesting. Being in relationships for almost the whole of the last five years, I’ve forgotten how exciting crushes could be. The adrenalin rush is amazing, and even though it’s not really orgasmic, it’s fun…

Happy Deepavali

இனிய தீபாவளி நல் வாழ்த்துக்கள்

दिवाली के शुभकामानाई

ದೀಪಾವಳಿ ಶುಭಾಶಯಗಳು

దీపావళి శుభాకాంక్షాలు

ശുഭ ദീപാവലി

This is as corny as I get... I think!

My desperate attempt at trying to write a profile for a gay dating site...

This is as corny as I get... I think!

Read on and be amused!

I’ve always wondered why I need to do this, but there’s never enough of a reason to do so. Profile reads are the most boring things to write… Seriously!
I mean, how much can one talk about themselves and be truthful?
Anyway here goes nothing! I am 22, turned 22 on 28th July and this has been till date, one of the most un-eventful years of my life. I came out of one of the most painful relationships and hope to never get into any such relationship again, ever!
I am still however, a romantic and believe in meeting my true love, my Mr. Knight Inshiningarmour, who will come for me one day or the other – the sooner the better.
I look forward to falling in love again, and I know I might break my heart again, but I guess its worth-it. I believe in love, so kill me!
It’s all a cycle and I’d like to believe like most Americans that it’s all a bloody government conspiracy, but why is it so hard for a gay man who’s come out to the whole world, to find someone exactly like him?
I am not a ‘queen’, I am effeminate, but to a certain well-within-control limit. I am not a ‘butch’ either and believe me; I know I hate being on top. I am one of those boys who has it all in his head, and if we can conversate and argue and just generally be happy with each others presence, I know I can do without sex.
I want a man, a guy who knows what he wants. A man who can control me even without letting me feel controlled, who can protect me even while letting me protect myself, and most of all a man who would let me drown myself in him, literally!
I seem to be a straight-magnet and I don’t like it. Two relationships with straight men over five years, I have nothing to regret, just that I can’t deal with such pointless flings anymore. I need to be loved as much as I love and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m sure you’ll agree. All I’m asking is for ‘prospective you’ to be open to a relationship and to not be interested in me if you haven’t dealt with your sexuality as yet. Now, that’s not too much to ask for and I know that.
I am otherwise a ‘un-convinced’ Leo, who loves to express in whatever form it maybe. I am a chatter-box and can talk a lot (not really an asset, but me all the same). I dance (Bharatanatyam and Meitei Jagoi) and sing (carnatic classical, and tenor in a choir). I am also a huge reader and love reading fiction as much as non-fiction. My current favourite is Alan Hollinghurst, but I also like Edmund White. I love mad books, and history is like an extended orgasm. Cultures are however my ultimate Viagra.
I am an avid traveler and love riding pillion on any bike (the rider is a huge motivation though). I love the hills (I grew up there) and love the sea equally. I hope to one day retire in some provincial hill town and lead a nice quiet life till I die (Kotagiri, where I grew up is my present pick).
My roots lie in Kerala, Tamil Nadu and Manipur and I love these languages and the cultures they represent. I am anti-aryan in my outlook and extremely pro-dravidian, so if that means you don’t want to read any further, be my guest.
I love learning scripts and am a self-confessed lingua-phile. Languages and their respective intricacies turn me on. For example, you can be sure I would make passionate love to you if you suddenly one day discovered the beauty of the ‘sharada seh’ in Telugu or how the ‘zha’ in Tamil and Malayalam are actually phonetically quite different.
I give a lot and expect a lot, so beware. I cannot take indecisiveness. It used to be a turn on till I realized how hard a problem it was to deal with in a relationship. Looks do matter and I will not say ‘no’. Like any other normal person I am attracted to good looks, but that’s not everything. I can get turned on by someone who seems very interesting in my kinda way too. Male chauvinists stay away. I am a feminist trapped in a gay man’s body and I’m proud! I do not entertain married men, but bisexuals I wouldn’t mind indulging.
If I’ve said enough and you’re prompted and convinced to say Hi! Then do just that and get in touch, it’s really very easy you know…

I disown the last line and wish I'd never written it, but then again, if something as simple as this leads me to Mr Purrfect, then its an attempt well-worth all the hardwork...

I just hope it works :(