This or That or somewhere inbetween...

Do you watch Will&Grace? (Yupp, the very show on Zee Café)
Don’t you ever wish you were in the place of Will or Grace, for the open relationship they share? (and I mean relationship… not coz they’re really HOT)
And do you totally adore Jack and wish you were in a relationship exactly like that...? (What a Darling...! I agree perfect Boyfriend material huh?)

If you do then you need to read on…If you don’t,
Read on just the same… (Thought you could escape that easily huh?!)
I’m sure you’ll benefit from this mediocre attempt at understanding people and the choices they make (Ahem! Well said!)

The Human Race has always been obsessed with its sexuality (Like you didn’t know, rascal!). And even though we’ve all passed through phases of sexuality being a taboo in each of our societies (Boring!), it still remains one of the most intriguing topics in most discussions (How we LOVE to talk about it!).

Everything the human has learnt to believe in has been in the form of pairs (Worry not; it’s not all that terrible a calculation!). We’ve always believed in opposites co-existing with each other, to form everything we know and believe to exist (Antonyms anyone?!).
The Chinese believed in Yin and Yang, Modern Physicists believe in Matter and Anti-matter, and everyone else believes in Good and Evil (Makes sense?).
Civilization thus decided on The Male and The Female as the ultimate partners, in this very pattern of the opposing duality (Yes, I love techie terms!). Biologically this was apt with the differences they had. Physiologically their structures also seemed to be made almost perfectly for each other (Ahem!).
Thus over time and the development of society, the relationship was rigidified (Darn rules!). The Man became the only partner for The Woman and vice versa (or Heterosexuality). However all through the history of man there have been accounts of people with slight ‘left tendencies’ (Kinky huh?). These people co-existed with the rest of the population but never became strong enough in number to demand their rights.
Many societies then, had rampant alternative sexualities being practiced. Ancient Chinese and Indians for that matter had alternative sexual systems being practiced and being accepted (We ROCKED then!). Ancient Greeks used alternative sexualities, like Homosexual relations between men as a base to their otherwise normal sexual practices. Young boys were always asked to practice the sexual act with boys of their own age before they got into a relationship with a girl, as a precaution against otherwise not being able to please her (Lucky Women!).
Today, such practices are still being practiced by smaller cultural groups such as ‘The Sambians’ of New Guinea, who practice Homosexuality till their late adolescence, after which they turn completely ‘Heterosexual’ (Interesting?).

Sexuality has always been a matter of choice, and it’s the choice you make that defines your sexuality (Simple!). The choices you make are called your orientations, and several psychologists have tried defining the possible orientations that people might possess.

Alfred Kinsley a leading psychologist in the early 1940’s prepared a seven point scale, where after answering a questionnaire; scores were plotted on a number line. Those who scored at 0 were exclusively heterosexual and those scoring 6 were exclusively homosexual. Those who fell in between were bisexuals of varying degrees. (Not all that complex, come on read it again!)

If you were wondering what you are in terms of your orientations, read on to figure out where you might probably stand (And keep those fingers crossed!)…

If …

1) You are turned on by a member of your opposite sex, and do not seem to be turned on by members of your own sex…
YOU’RE HETEROSEXUAL, AND JUST THAT! (God! You’re such a Bore! Just Kidding!)

2) You are turned on by members of your own sex, and don’t seem to find the opposite sex in the least bit interesting…
YOU’RE HOMOSEXUAL DARLIN’! (Interesting you are!)

3) You are turned on by members of your own sex and members of the other sex also, and can’t seem to decide which one your more turned on by…
YOU’RE BISEXUAL BABY! (The confusion makes it all the better!)

However things might not be as simple as they seem especially if you’re Bisexual or Homosexual… (Now this is serious stuff so PAY ATTENTION!)…
Heterosexuals have already been rigidified by the conventional roles they ought to play in a society and thus they are left with a very little choice when it comes to their orientations. Bisexuals and Homosexuals on the other hand are lighter and less rigid in terms of the roles they play and thus can often be confused with one another.

The Homosexual or The Gay (Male) or The Lesbian (Female), is a very debatable orientation. Purists will claim only half of the people who claim to be Homosexual actually are. The ‘True’ homosexual is a person who loves his partner (of the same sex) and thus may/might not indulge in a sexual relationship with him. Love seems to be the only binding force to most ‘Purist’ homosexuals.
On the other hand we have the other ‘popular’ Homosexual, who usually is just interested in sexual relations with members of his/her sex, or just wants to try out something different or apparently safer for ‘fun’. Most Homosexuals fall under this category, and thus are often considered to be Bisexually oriented in reality.

The Bisexual on the other hand is the confused soul (most of us are!), who can’t seem to decide which is better for him/her. A bisexual is typically oriented towards both sexes, but at varying individual levels. A ‘True’ bisexual is one who indulges in relationships with both sexes again out of reasons other than ‘fun’. Love, friendship, and loads of other defining factors are usually the bases to such relationships.
‘Fake’ bisexuals are usually Homosexuals or Heterosexuals, who seem to be interested in such relationships out of pure sexual curiosity. This however is also a ‘Purist’ view.

Scientists have been trying to study the causes of our Sexual Orientations for ages now. One of the earliest theories was put forward by Sigmund Freud. (This is NOT boring believe me… Read on!)…

He claimed that individuals developed Alternative sexualities due to the identification with the same sex parent. He however was one of the few psychologists to consider even ‘Heterosexuality’ to be an alternative behaviour, as he believed such behaviour was not based upon any attraction that was of Chemical nature.

Some other researchers such as A P Bell and his friends decided that it was the non-conformity of a child to his/her own specific gender role in childhood that brought about alternative sexualities. Daryl J Bem more recently added to the above theory saying, a child thus growing up on a non-conforming gender role, will associate, himself/herself, with the opposite sex, and thus be attracted to his/her own sex eventually. He called it the Exotic-becomes-Erotic theory (Brilliant huh!).

Researches in other fields have also tried answering the questions about these ‘deviant’ orientations. Hamer and Hu and their co-researchers, gave evidence of the presence of a piece of X chromosome, Xq28, that seemed to be present in the DNA of most Homosexual men, while LeVay showed that the hypothalamus, in the brain contained a nucleus (a lump of related cells) that was bigger in Heterosexual men, but smaller in Homosexual men and Women (Now you know why your heads smaller…! lol!).

These theories however seem relatively biased because they treat alternative sexualities, like an abnormality (which IT IS NOT!).
Today societies in most parts of the world have accepted these alternative orientations, and accepted them as normal.
The world has come to a stage when, being Bisexual is considered to be ‘in’, and being boringly Heterosexual is considered to be ‘very out’.
India is not far behind with Homosexuals out in public now; the country can also claim to have the largest active ‘Gay’ population, if their presence on the internet is to be believed (Did I see the eyelash flutter?... Yupp its official!).

So don’t be ashamed if you’ve found out that you seem to have an alternative orientation. It’s what defines you, and ignoring it now, will only spell out problems in your future relationship based life. Experiment if you need to, but remember to respect the other individual’s decisions while doing so. An alternative relationship can prove to be really helpful, especially because, nobody can understand you better than one of your own.

Know who you are…
and Be whom you’re meant to be.
(All the best discovering yourselves darlings… muah!)

Who are WE again?

“Why is it that south Indian films never had a presence at the IIFA awards that are supposed to be about the India International brand, when most watchable Hindi films are remakes of Tamil, Telegu, or Malayalam blockbusters?”…
Asks Kala Krishnan Ramesh, a writer for ‘The Hindu’ in her article ‘South-pawed!’
(‘Friday Review’ page 3 dated July 7th 2006)

Please Read the above Article before going any further.

It came as a relief to me as I read the article, because it was for the first time I was hearing someone else address these issues, so wholeheartedly.
Kudos to Kala Krishnan Ramesh for being so bold in describing so much in so few words…

I personally have gone through the same mental trauma several times over. And I totally understand why she’s voiced so many issues in the same article.
India is the only country which can boast of being a ‘functioning’ democracy, and in the very same breath, of also being one of the largest societies to follow and almost completely accept a culturally racistic ideology, that has remained unquestioned for far too long.

The racism goes way back to when we became independent from the British. If any one of you’ll think that the British used Hindi while conversing with Indians in different parts of the country, god save you from your ignorance. The British were less culturally racist when it came to a language. All Indian languages were foreign tongues to them anyway, so they learnt the language of the area and spoke it, because you cannot administrate an area unless you speak in its native tongue.

Our founders however decided the country needed one language, when we became an independent country, because English was their (The British) language. It’s kind of funny that a country founded on the principles of ‘unity in diversity’, suddenly wanted a ‘unifying’ language. So in order to replace English, Hindi was put into use as the National Language. Now many people cite many reasons on why Hindi was chosen… Read on as one of the biggest conspiracies in India, make you totally disbelieve in the system.

The Reasons cited (and several of my Hindi-speaking friends will also cite them…) were…

# Hindi was the largest spoken language in the country at that time…
(The Biggest farce till date in the History of India)

FACTS: Hindi was not spoken by anyone, as a native language (those who spoke Hindi by then also had other native languages). Hindi was a mixture of several North-Indian Dialects spoken all along the Hindi belt. The only basis hence was then that it was a Sanskrit based language and so held importance. Everyone in the North could learn the language, because it was so similar to their native tongues from where it was borrowed. The language’s grammar had to be formulated after independence when it was made the National Language (weird that languages with grammars already intact such as Bengali, Manipuri, Assamese, Kannada and Tamizh, weren’t even considered!) .Even more, it was so new a Language that technical terms had to be formulated in it to describe most words in Science, Math and Physics. Yet people today claim of its prominence at that time as a Language?
In reality the largest spoken language then had to be Telegu and Bengali, and maybe Punjabi. Bengali and Punjabi however lost most of it speakers to Bangladesh and Pakistan after the Partition. So logically Telegu should have been the National Language. If any of you’ll have problems believing Telegu was the most spoken language, look at an India map. The state alone covers half of South India on its own, and till today Telegu native speakers exist in parts of Karnataka, Maharashtra, Orissa, and Tamizh Nadu. So you can just imagine how many people spoke the language then…

# Hindi was easy to learn… (Yeah! Like Whatever!)
I can’t believe people accepted this!!!

FACTS: Well yes… it would be easier to learn if it was based on your native tongue (?!) What about the other half of the country? Yes they all now can speak the language but that’s after fifty years of compulsory education in the language. Then, it was as hard for them to learn Hindi as it was earlier to learn English. And by chance if you even presume that well only the south had the problem…
Cut the crap!
The whole of the east, and the south had to now learn this weird foreign tongue. Yes Sanskrit based speakers could pick it up fast… But what about Non-Sankrit based speakers such as Manipuri, The Languages of Meghalaya, The Naga Languages, The Tribal Languages of Manipur and Arunachal Pradesh, Mizo, and Tamizh?
Yes Kannada, Telegu and Malayalam were Sanskrit based, but the Dravidic Influence was more prominent, it was Hard!
And if any of you have had the weird notion that Sanskrit is the mother of all languages, THINK AGAIN!
Dravidic languages are not Sanskrit based; in fact they contributed quite a bit to the ancient Sanskrit.
For that matter any language IMPOSED on a person will become easy to learn when it compulsory, and is in compulsion for over fifty years! Why if things went right we should have all been speaking Telegu now. (Too much to digest huh!).
And if you are even thinking of claiming that Hindi sounds easier to learn… well open your eyes little one! Any language once forced would have been easy…
THINK! Why weren’t the North-Indians asked to learn Telegu instead?

# Hindi was the Language of the Freedom Movement… (Ha-ha! Wake up!)

FACTS: I wonder where? In Punjab it was Punjabi, in the south each peoples own language, in the north east their own tongues, in Bihar for that matter itself it was in Bihari and Maithili, The Hill people of present Uttaranchal and Uttar Pradesh, spoke their own dialects, and the others mostly spoke Urdu. So where does Hindi become the Language of the Freedom Movement?

These truths are not Half-truths. Any common sensed person with a yearning to learn Indian History should know these facts.

Fine! Now that the basis on why I will make the following statements, are clear to you, I will go on…

So Hindi was forced on everyone else when they didn’t want it, but were made to learn it because they were ‘Indian’ (What a pity that people had to learn a foreign language to be part of this country’s identity, the traces of Colonialism are just to in your face to ignore!)
North-India colonised the rest of the country, and well ‘India’, as it was envisioned by those cultural racists, was born. Now instead of re-fuelling burnt out coals, let me switch my topic to The Dravidian Movement.

When the people of Tamizh Nadu (The only state to protest, and be heard), began protesting against the National Language being Hindi, the rest of the now Hindi-ised country couldn’t help but consider them to be Barbaric (as a friend who by the way is a South- Indian himself referred to them), even worse Tamizhs who had been outside the state and now themselves Hindi-ised shunned their own people for asking for their cultural rights. The derogatory use of the term ‘Madrasees’ began right then.

The movement was successful and created one of the most powerful political forces in the country, the DMK (Dravida Munnetrra Kazhagam), which still rules as a party in that state even today. The people of the state soon however had to give up resistance and except the language.

We are a Democracy aren’t we?

This cultural racism now had to don a new Avataar, and that can be seen in what was discussed in the article mentioned.

The film industry, one of the most prosperous industry’s in India today (if I can call it one) is often seen to be Hindi Films alone. Bollywood or the Hindi film industry wants to represent Indian Cinema. It is very stupid to even assume it can when the BEST films ever produced in this country were in other regional languages. Even though the National Awards for Film Actors are usually given to such regional actors, Hindi films are still considered the best.

I being an ardent follower of regional cinema see no sense in this. Hindi Cinema is being noticed NOW. Regional cinema was noticed long ago! How many of you’ll even know that ‘Chemmeen’, a Malayalam movie was the first movie to win an International award, during the Black&White era? And that ‘Roja’, a recent Tamizh film is one of the most dubbed films in the world (Yes you have the film even dubbed into Japanese and, Turkish) or that ‘Kannathil Mutthamittaal’, a Tamizh movie had to win jury awards at Locarno and Toronto before it was even considered to be worthy of an award in India. The film was submitted as an entry the previous year and lost to Hindi multi-starrer ‘Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham…’, it was however given a National Award a year later, when the International medias focus on it woke up Indian audiences in the north. Even worse is when Movies are made in two languages at the same time, and the one more closer to Hindi stands more chances of winning than the one in the other language (Like in the case of ‘Yuva’ and ‘Aayuthuh Ezhuthuh’)

I am not surprised therefore when Mammootty in that same article questions Bollywood asking The IIFA based in Bollywood city Mumbai, “How can this be called International Indian Awards when the competition is limited to Hindi Films?” or when he pointed out that “Indian Cinema is not just Bollywood, and Hindi is not the only language. Why should our (he being a south Indian) cinema be called South Indian Cinema, instead of being under the banner of Indian Films?” or when he suggested that Hindi Films face the competition from their other language counterparts, before calling itself International.

I am extremely proud of this actor’s courage to talk so openly about the issue. I have heard that another actor of Bengali Origin who worked in several south Indian films, including the already mentioned ‘Kannathil Mutthamittaal’, on asking a few directors and other film honchos in the north on why such disparity existed, was asked to keep quiet, as it was not her language that was being ignored, and that the language being ignored didn’t seem to mind.

The language did mind, but didn’t want to be persecuted again of being Anti-Indian like the last time it asked for its rights, and so chose to ignore.

I could write pages and pages on this, but don’t have the energy or the time to continue.
I would love to invite comments, and clarifications. You can either comment or mail me at the id on my profile.

This country I call my own has given me the right to speak, and I will use it to my best ability when it comes to setting things right!

P.S: If you find too many mistakes in the article, forgive me, I had no time to edit it, I wanted it on my Blog as soon as possible!

SHUT UP!!!... And let the Lord fight your battle for you!

I’ve been on this self pity trip lately. Just got down to realising a particular relationship had no future. I knew it from the beginning, but deep down I wanted to believe it would happen, and so I stuck on. I got nowhere nor did the relationship, and I had to convince myself all over again, that I’d made a wrong choice.

Relationships are weird. At least to me they are. You never ask for them, they just come in to your life, and then one fine day they might decide to just walk out of your life too. With them however come happiness, and that lovely sense of belonging. It’s so nice to be needed by someone you love, and at the same time very painful when you realise you aren’t.

My life from September last year to February this year has been happy. I couldn’t have asked for more. But since then I’ve had problems heaped on problems, adding to my already problematic life. My life saw love, again, and this time I thought it was happening. But it wasn’t and I came to my senses quite recently.

As usual it wasn’t my fault, and the self-pity trip came about. I cried, and complained and tried solving the problem on my own, but nothing worked. Last week I attended the Saturday worship at church after a really long time, and the sermon spoke directly to me. I was astounded at how, the message seemed directly talking to me. The sermon told me not to try and solve my own problems, when they become too big. Instead, trust in the lord and leave it to him.

“Shut up, and let the lord fight your battle for you!”

I couldn’t have asked for more. This week, another friend sang a song during the very same meeting, and I now knew it was meant only for me…

It’s good to be lonely every now and again…
To be parted from the ones you adore…
To sit at a table for two all alone,
And take a look at the world around you…
At people with no one to go home to…
Some with no place to belong…
Others consumed by their weakness…
And another, when weak seems so strong.

Lord let me be at peace wherever I am,
Satisfied with all I have… A faithful friend,
And know I’m grateful…
‘Cause it makes me love you even more…
I know… I’m sure…

It’s good to be lonely every now and again…
It’s good to go down to defeat now and then…
To fail at some noble pursuit…
To fall short of the prize…
And find in his eyes…
There’s nothing your victory can do…
To secure higher favour…
He cannot love you more than now…
Winners and losers…
All the same somehow.

Lord let me be at peace wherever I am,
Satisfied with all I have… A faithful friend,
And know I’m grateful…
‘Cause it makes me love you even more…
I know… I’m sure…

And it’s good to know sorrow…
To be closely acquainted with grief…
To be showered with tears…
No reason to cheer…
To find Christ your only relief.

Lord let me be at peace wherever I am,
Satisfied with all I have… A faithful friend,
And know I’m grateful…
‘Cause it makes me love you even more…
I know… I’m sure…
Wayne Watson.



The song hit me right where I needed to be hit. And I thank all those who helped me overcome the hardest problem I’ve faced as yet.

Thank you Nikhil… There’s something about people with your name that makes me connect with them! : )
Thank you Santosh… Your sermon got it off…
Thank you Rahul for being in my life, and unconsciously led me closer to my Lord…
Thank you Tanya, for always being there, even though you’ve had your own battles to face…
And thank you Keerthi for trying so hard to set things right…


“I’m alone a lot. One spring Saturday in a small ‘mom n pop’ restaurant, I wasn’t just alone, I was lonely. I sat and just watched. Families together, to elderly ladies out for lunch, a mother with two unhappy babies. Next time you go on pity binge, go off and watch the world go by, and COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS”; Wayne Watson.

Them!

Them…

He walked in, saw her lying on their red-quilted bed, and as always his eyes drifted questioningly all along the contours of her body.
From her head, his eyes wandered down over the curve of her back, and down to those feet… Heaven on earth!
He swallowed hard; as he relished looking at those slender long toes, at that seductive curve of her sole, and at the pink nail polish painted with such precision, on those toe-nails…
She was beautiful!

He first saw her at his cousins wedding.
He had walked into the Mandapam, as part of the ‘Boys Side’. He could never forget, looking at them for the first time. There they were, beneath that richly zaried magenta Kanjeevaram that fell over them like pretty rain clouds on a sunny morning sky. He couldn’t take his eyes of them.
They were the most beautiful ones he’d ever seen. He stared at them gaping in awe, wondering all the while, if he was actually seeing them. He would have stared all day, if it hadn’t been for cousin, nudging him out of his reverie.
He had caught everyone’s attention, including the owner of those jewels. She stared at him, confused over why this attractive man spent such a long time staring at her, never looking up at her face even once.
Her curiosity got the better of her, and she bumped into him on purpose after the ceremony. She introduced herself. He remembered considering her face to be quite pretty too, but that hardly mattered to him. The rest of the conversation he couldn’t remember, as much as he tried.

A month later after his mother frantically searched for her, all over the country, and a date was fixed, they were engaged. They were married a fortnight later. And now, they were expecting their first child.

It was five years since they had moved into this house. The house was her fathers wedding gift.

She looked so beautiful, in that red nightshirt, he thought.
It was a rainy day. He loved the rain.
He loved anything in red (how he pleaded with her to use red nail polish, instead of the deep magenta shade, she loved using). He would never buy her any lingerie or nightwear unless they were lacy and were in some shade of red.
The flowers on his office table were red, and so were the briefs he wore everyday.

The rain that day made it perfect. He loved it when water droplets bounced off oily surfaces, or stood on rubber undisturbed, in the form of the very drop they fell in.

He was happy as he walked into the shower, and reached for his shampoo. He loved the way shampoo squirted out of the bottle (He always threw his shampoo bottles half used… Just so that he would gain all the pleasure in seeing the shampoo squirt out well from a new one). He loved being sparkling clean all the time. Yet, he loved the smell of sweat on another man’s body. (He loved using the public transport as a kid, and gained much pleasure from the various bodily scents he picked up on such rides).

He walked out of his shower and wiped himself dry.

She lay there all night alone on her bed, with a three month old child in her womb, as he sat and counted his money on the sitting room table. The smell of money excited him too.

He didn’t need her. He just needed those feet. He had them now, what more did he want?

Nothing!

She married him because he had a mole on his cheek.

She loved those growths however small they seemed, as long as they were on the cheek. She loved spying on men who drooled over other men (She watched him sit on the toilet, through the keyhole, every evening, drooling over the half nude men, in the glossy on his lap).
She loved wearing lacy things, and loved red. She was finicky too, when it came to cleanliness and loved washing her hands in soap water.
She loved the feel of latex.
She was happy and wanted nothing more in life.

They were a happily married couple. They never had any scandalous affairs (at least none that anyone came to know of).
They lived happily, and died peacefully, ripened of age.
They were the favourite aunt and uncle in their locality.
They brought forth two lovely beings into the earth, and were proud loving grandparents.
They were the talk of the town, all their lives and were looked upon as the perfect couple.
They were perfect indeed.
They were as normal as any of us!