How to become a Vampire... Lol! ;)

@raoul, my loouvve, may your dreams come true.
Here's something you might want to sink your (hopefully soon) vampire fangs into...

Nine Easy Steps on 'How to become a Vampire':
thanks@ehow.com

Vampirism, or the practice of drinking human blood, dates all the way back to ancient Greece (even earlier, by some accounts). If you wish to become a bloodsucker, here are some easy steps to help you on your path to vampirism:

Step 1: Find another vampire and let him or her bite you. Employ the swiftest, easiest and most painful method.

Step 2: Become an evildoer and die in a state of sin. Note, however, that this technique (which comes from France and Greece) is not very plausible; there would be millions of beasts roaming the streets as we speak.

Step 3: Have an undead person gaze at your pregnant wife or yourself, if you happen to be expecting. Employing this method will not help you change into a vampire, but it may change your unborn into one.

Step 4: Chronically lie to your parents or die without being baptized. (Note that these ways can't be very credible either.)

Step 5: Instruct your father to scream this at you in anger: "May the ground reject thee!" Having yourself cursed in this or another way by your parents could turn you into a fanged one after death.

Step 6: Gobble up a sheep that was killed by a wolf and eventually, you'll become a bloodsucker.

Step 7: Travel back in time to the Greece of several centuries ago, where people who were excommunicated from the church were considered good vampire candidates.

Step 8: Come down with chorea (a disease associated with uncontrolled twitching).

Step 9: Ask your descendants to make a cat leap over your body when you've reached the hereafter.

P.S., Remember not to smile too much once you've undergone your transformation. Be certain the unwitting aren't forewarned by your fangs.