Friday, October 31, 2008

The other side of it...

I’ve always wondered, as a believable and convincing representation of today’s Indian educated audience, if we expect too much these days. I caught Madhur Bhandarkar’s Fashion yesterday at FAME Lido on MG Road, with a couple of friends and colleagues from MidDay and DNA, and I was surprised how differently we all took to the film.
To begin with, I loved the film. It wasn’t fantastic; it didn’t make me think (for that matter no Madhur Bhandarkar’s – MB from now, film has ever made me think); and it sure didn’t make me feel like anyone’s representation was grossly wronged or under-done or even exaggerated.
I loved the portrayal of gay men and I think this is as refined a portrayal as we’ll ever get. Let’s face it, Indian gay men have been represented by the irritating yet quintessential ‘queen’ who has permeated into every kwalm of society to become the community’s much hated pin-up boy. The representations in two characters – that of Rohit and Khosla are two variants of this very un-ignorable pin-up gay man. They both represent typical ‘queen’ characters that we often meet in the pink circle on any given day, irrespective of the city one lives in. Rahul Arora played by Samir Soni was also someone who deserves much more credit. In a very underplayed and effective way he portrays a gay man, a 'bottom' more likely who isn’t convinced enough of his sexuality as yet. He does not have it in him to face society and come out, but still wants to lead a proud gay life. Samir describes and represents half of India’s booming gay community. Men from the ages of 18 to 60, who all face the same problem and can’t face society even though they’re convinced they’re gay. His boyfriend, Anshu I think, is another beautifully represented character. He defines the word ‘top’ with such panache, its hard for me (a self-convinced bottom) to not be attracted to his charms, even on screen. The lesser portrayed the better, and I’m happy the kiss was edited. It might have not settled in as well as Madhur had thought it would. Kudos to all the characters, all the same – for very apt and moving performances. As a gay man I connected and was not ashamed of the portrayal and in that itself I see the need for commendation.
Whether Priyanka was a good choice or not, is something that I shall leave to the other audiences to decide. I was convinced and did actually see the transformation from small city belle to big city glam queen. Most other viewers will beg to differ and I allow them to seek alms in peace. I am no authority on this one. I was however extremely moved by Kangana’s astral performance. I think that girl has what it takes to make a good actress. She just needs to be prodded the right way.
The other performances were minimal and forgettable, but Kitu Gidwani’s character stood out like matured wine. She seemed to be the actual diva and not once did I see a faux pas in either her styling, her clothes or her acting. She was the Diva in her own right and represented a lot of people who actually run the fashion industry. Powerhouses of etiquette, good clothes, better grooming and proper upbringing, who don’t think twice to shift from Sati Savitri to Bitch-with-fire-up-her-arse. Experience they say, experience.
The music was lovely, and the title track is still fresh in my mind, and that my friends is an achievement. The cameo with Koko and Shorey was so uncalled for, and so were many other scenes that just dragged us all along into a never ending need for self entertaining, whilst still in the cinema hall.
I must give it to Bhandarkar for crawling so deep into the underbelly of the fashion world and digging out these skeletons, but the real selling point of the film is in the realistic portrayal of the people involve in the industry. Be it the photographers, the page three bunch or the people involved in the glam industry, this movie let's one bake the cake and eat it.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I am fool!

The crushes have all ended.
That was fast.
Instead, I have a crush on a sweetheart from Bulgaria.
It's funny how you can fall so un-believably in love with someone you hardly know...
But then again, if they allow you to do so,
why not?
Crush 1 died a silent death.
Crush 2 might be ugh-ly straight.
and Crush 3 will only smile.
BREAKING NEWS: Romal, you're going to be single for ever...

But I've discovered Laya, and all thanks to Brother Bear 1, the DVD is now my solace.
Culture is my only hope. I will discover all that I need to. I will learn, express, study, experience and enjoy culture. I will have an eternal affair till the day I die.
If someone finds me in that process and the lord wants it all to fall in place...
I will be in love.
If he doesn't...
Then so be it...
The Indian Ocean and all that she's done to my race, people, language and culture, will be my never ending love story, for now :)

"It all ended even before it started, and I knew it would end. I am fool!"

Saturday, October 25, 2008

A tale of three crushes

What do you do when you have a crush, actually several crushes? I have always had one crush at a time and often more than not, I have ended up with the guy I had a crush on, but now suddenly I am single and there are too many men in my life who fall into place, and match my every requirement in a guy. Can I be blamed for having a crush?
This is for those of you who care…
Who do I pursue, is it worth-it pursuing them, and am I just being a stupid romantic to think things might work out? I will describe my options and hopefully kill half my crush in the process, but you can comment and help me solve my eternal question…
To whom do I beautifully belong?

Crush One:
A beautiful guy, far older to me, we’ve bumped into each other quite often and have never spoken. We just got in touch recently when I literally hounded his friends till I connected to him on facebook and got his email id. We chat regularly and he’s so like me. We listen to the same music, believe in the same ideologies, and quite often have magic working in the air even while we chat. Only problem is he believes in fluid sexuality, which I believe in too, but do not subscribe to. He is currently asexual and I have no clue whether he’s even interested in me. We just flirt a lot.

Crush Two:
This is the guy who I fell for the moment I joined my new office. He sits two rows away from me and all I need to do to check him out is stand up. I cannot look him in the eye, for I fear the reaction I’ll receive, but he seems so amiable with everyone around me. I don’t know anything about him and don’t think he wants to know anything about me. But every time I catch him looking at me, I can’t breathe. It’s not funny and even though it sounds cute, it’s the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. I also have to keep restraining myself from looking that way, and it’s really really hard.

Crush 'on the process of happening' Three:
This guy is a looker. Another someone at work, all the girls have their eyes on him. He smiles a lot at me, and even spoke to me – thrice, but that’s it. He seems my type, and is all quiet all the time, a geek of sorts and extremely interesting. He’s the lean type though and even though I’m surprised he isn’t seeing anyone, I’m afraid he’s the type who doesn’t want to either. I still steal glances at him every time I cross his cubicle and he notices every time. Highly embarrassing… I need help.

On the reflex, I’m happy…
Atleast I finally find more than one man interesting. Being in relationships for almost the whole of the last five years, I’ve forgotten how exciting crushes could be. The adrenalin rush is amazing, and even though it’s not really orgasmic, it’s fun…

Friday, October 24, 2008

Happy Deepavali

இனிய தீபாவளி நல் வாழ்த்துக்கள்

दिवाली के शुभकामानाई

ದೀಪಾವಳಿ ಶುಭಾಶಯಗಳು

దీపావళి శుభాకాంక్షాలు

ശുഭ ദീപാവലി

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

This is as corny as I get... I think!

My desperate attempt at trying to write a profile for a gay dating site...

This is as corny as I get... I think!

Read on and be amused!

I’ve always wondered why I need to do this, but there’s never enough of a reason to do so. Profile reads are the most boring things to write… Seriously!
I mean, how much can one talk about themselves and be truthful?
Anyway here goes nothing! I am 22, turned 22 on 28th July and this has been till date, one of the most un-eventful years of my life. I came out of one of the most painful relationships and hope to never get into any such relationship again, ever!
I am still however, a romantic and believe in meeting my true love, my Mr. Knight Inshiningarmour, who will come for me one day or the other – the sooner the better.
I look forward to falling in love again, and I know I might break my heart again, but I guess its worth-it. I believe in love, so kill me!
It’s all a cycle and I’d like to believe like most Americans that it’s all a bloody government conspiracy, but why is it so hard for a gay man who’s come out to the whole world, to find someone exactly like him?
I am not a ‘queen’, I am effeminate, but to a certain well-within-control limit. I am not a ‘butch’ either and believe me; I know I hate being on top. I am one of those boys who has it all in his head, and if we can conversate and argue and just generally be happy with each others presence, I know I can do without sex.
I want a man, a guy who knows what he wants. A man who can control me even without letting me feel controlled, who can protect me even while letting me protect myself, and most of all a man who would let me drown myself in him, literally!
I seem to be a straight-magnet and I don’t like it. Two relationships with straight men over five years, I have nothing to regret, just that I can’t deal with such pointless flings anymore. I need to be loved as much as I love and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m sure you’ll agree. All I’m asking is for ‘prospective you’ to be open to a relationship and to not be interested in me if you haven’t dealt with your sexuality as yet. Now, that’s not too much to ask for and I know that.
I am otherwise a ‘un-convinced’ Leo, who loves to express in whatever form it maybe. I am a chatter-box and can talk a lot (not really an asset, but me all the same). I dance (Bharatanatyam and Meitei Jagoi) and sing (carnatic classical, and tenor in a choir). I am also a huge reader and love reading fiction as much as non-fiction. My current favourite is Alan Hollinghurst, but I also like Edmund White. I love mad books, and history is like an extended orgasm. Cultures are however my ultimate Viagra.
I am an avid traveler and love riding pillion on any bike (the rider is a huge motivation though). I love the hills (I grew up there) and love the sea equally. I hope to one day retire in some provincial hill town and lead a nice quiet life till I die (Kotagiri, where I grew up is my present pick).
My roots lie in Kerala, Tamil Nadu and Manipur and I love these languages and the cultures they represent. I am anti-aryan in my outlook and extremely pro-dravidian, so if that means you don’t want to read any further, be my guest.
I love learning scripts and am a self-confessed lingua-phile. Languages and their respective intricacies turn me on. For example, you can be sure I would make passionate love to you if you suddenly one day discovered the beauty of the ‘sharada seh’ in Telugu or how the ‘zha’ in Tamil and Malayalam are actually phonetically quite different.
I give a lot and expect a lot, so beware. I cannot take indecisiveness. It used to be a turn on till I realized how hard a problem it was to deal with in a relationship. Looks do matter and I will not say ‘no’. Like any other normal person I am attracted to good looks, but that’s not everything. I can get turned on by someone who seems very interesting in my kinda way too. Male chauvinists stay away. I am a feminist trapped in a gay man’s body and I’m proud! I do not entertain married men, but bisexuals I wouldn’t mind indulging.
If I’ve said enough and you’re prompted and convinced to say Hi! Then do just that and get in touch, it’s really very easy you know…

I disown the last line and wish I'd never written it, but then again, if something as simple as this leads me to Mr Purrfect, then its an attempt well-worth all the hardwork...

I just hope it works :(

Monday, October 13, 2008

I shall miss those arms.

He called this morning, I woke up to his voice all over again, and this time, it wasn't my imagination playing tricks on my mind...
I remember the days when I prayed and wished there would be a day when he would be the first one to greet my as I woke up... A radiant smile across his face as he returned an emotion I can only call 'love'...
There were those days, when I could wake up and look at him beside me, happy and content and proud of this lovely human being I could call my 'own'.
Those were those days, and these are these...
His voice sounded as reminescent as a voice could sound...
Feeble, full of emotion and an air of guilt and silence that shrouded everything he said...
This was that very boy I had once held almost everynight in my arms, made love to passionately and dreamed of the future with...
and here he was almost in tears asking for forgiveness, like it was mine to give!
Trust is something that I refuse to make any bylaws for. Once someone has proven that they aren't worth it anymore, I don't see how I can love them, or still want them...
But I still love him, and would have forgiven him in an instant, if he had promised me at least something more palpable...
The only arms I fit into so cozily, have outgrown me, and I now belong nowhere. I shall miss those arms.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

மிச்செஸ் அண்ட் ஹிட்ஸ்!

Im sitting in a brand new office, the place still smells of new wood, plastic, resin paint and young people...
I know I sound like a witch, but feeling out of place comes naturally to few... I am one of those lucky bums... I was born with it!
New office, new people, and a new life...
Maybe this is what they call renewal...
a new new that's visibly different...
and this one surely is!
I have no work for now...
So I sit and update an ancient blog...
I am back feefals...
so look forward (if you ever did!) to stuff quite similar to the jowl I often dish out...

I miss phani and he knows it :(