Friday, January 30, 2009

Culture my foot! All bleddy Hooligans only!

മ്യര്‍ ഹൂലിഗന്സ്

Culture my foot! All bleddy Hooligans only!

What is with the Sri Ram Sene? Why is our government so quiet? I always thought I would never be a biased freak, but the BJP government seems to be proving that they can only propagate mindless communal violence when they’re around.
Is this Hindutva? If so, then why should it pertain to other communities? I am Christian and come from a purely Christian family. We’ve been Christian for four generations now… How does Hindutva pertain to us? Why are these rules for us?
Are we a Hindu nation, is this really that literally a Hindu-Stan?
Whose culture are they referring to when they say this is not Indian culture? Some ancient culture that they aren’t upholding themselves, or some newer culture that they’d like to propagate as their own. And to think that kids my age are taking up arms for such causes! I get it when a Kashmiri kid or a Manipuri kid takes to arms and joins a militant group. They represent repressed communities. Communities that have been oppressed forever! But what’s all this madness about Hindu dharm being under threat?
Threat from whom? Themselves I suppose. Brahmins are still Brahmins, and Shudras still Shudras – instead of solving those social issues, I guess they’d rather fight an invisible non-existent enemy. The Congress may have its faults, but at least it understands the complexities that this state and its people represent. The identity of the Kannadiga in itself is a fragile concept and now we have the Hindu, Christian and Muslim Kannadiga to further divide us. Is this what the present powers call divide and rule, or is this just pure pride at being the largest in numbers.

Are we safe?

Is my community safe? Is anyone safe… I guess this country has never answered those questions and prefers not to!

Where is this nation that is a mere concept heading to…
The Lord alone knows, and I put my trust in him alone!

This is my life!

I have decided to face the world…
I will learn to overcome these tears…
I will look at them as the only gifts you were able to give me…
I will move on…
I will fall in love again…
I will discover what true love is…
I will not lose hope…

You thought me unworthy…
The world doesn’t…
I still have people who care…
And always will…

It’s refreshing to rediscover the old me…
The special someone who had time for everyone equally…
That young boy whose mother was everything…
Whose friends were always more than just that!

This is my promise to myself…
To live life to its fullest…
To stop for no one,
Till they will to live my life with me.

Amen indeed.


ಇದು ನನ್ನ ಜೀವನ!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

When I open these eyes…

It’s 2 am in the morning,
and I just found the song I’ve been searching for,
for at least a month now.
Maybe it’s a sign that change and luck have come my way…
I welcome them with arms wide open…
Kann Vizhithaal is my prayer to the universe, to my destiny and to myself and my saviour. A hope that everything goes right, henceforth…
A hope that this time, my sadness and grief over losing someone who meant so much to me, might actually help me learn. I hope I grow old enough, one day… to evolve into someone mature enough to forgive him – but even if I don’t… I’ll know that my eyes are now open, and that in itself is triumph…
To a new beginning, to new friends, to love, to life and to me…
May my life be a little simpler now…

Do listen to the song below (at the end of the page)
Some of the lyrics that touched me the most are transcribed below…

...கண் விழித்தால் வெண்ணிலவு...
கை நிறைய காதலர்கள்...
ரகசியம் பேசு தேவதைகள் ஹோ...
தேவதைகள் ஹொ... தேவதைகள்...
எந்தன் கனவில்...
எத்தனை எத்தனை எத்தனை நனவு...
யாரை கேட்பேன்?
யாரை கேட்பேன் ஒ...

...வானவில் வரையும் வானம்...
மழையிலே நனையும் தோட்டம்...
கரைகளின் காதிலே...
நதி சொல்லும் வார்த்தைகள்...
இன்பமோ? இன்பமே...
இன்பமோ? இன்பமே...

May we all find what we’re looking for!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

So close, you are, yet so far…


We spent three days together and in those precious moments I saw my whole life unfurl… As we tried to find a mid-point in between our conflicting destinies and overcame some obstacles that we created ourselves, all I want to tell you my love is, my world is calm when you are in my arms. I am alive with you around and even though I know we’re so close, I can’t ignore how far we’re from reaching that famous happy end…

Watching the sun set over your city on that undiscovered corner of that beautiful hill in the middle of nowhere, I realised that I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I lost you at this point. I don’t mind waiting forever for you to realise what I mean to you, but I’d rather live off dreams than lose you in reality forever…

As a mismatched couple on Hemakuta hill, facing the gopuram of a lord I do not worship yet respect, I realised that I am already yours. Like a devadasi, who binds herself to the unseen and unfelt – a belief has become real enough for me to hold on to. You now reside there and in that sanctum sanctorum, that extremely divine place, have I left my heart and all its demands. You owe me nothing, I owe you almost all – and that’s how it will remain to be…

Take time, my love and discover who you want to be. The world is indeed fast, but time will always find space for the yearning. It has found you and so I beg you to use it wisely. Relish and rediscover the real you, someone lost in three years of aimless wandering. May this be your 40 days and 40 nights of that divine test that turned many a human into a saint. May you discover peace and self-understanding in a way that it empowers you from within.

May you discover the real you…

So I bid by goodbye for now, for even though we were close in waiting, we are indeed far from our divergent realities. I pray our paths confluence one day, and then I hope you will believe that I let you go because I knew for forever, that all I ever wanted was to hold you, so close…

Friday, January 02, 2009

New Yearsu!

It’s the New Year and my new year’s resolution is like every other year, to do more justice to this mad space. The New Year has definitely started off well, and as close friend aishu goobey was saying, what you do on the first day kind of continues all through the year, yeah! Which means, I’ll be travelling all year through, and that’s enough to make me scream and shout and put off one koothu.
So yesterday found me at Villa No 13 – that inscrutably supposedly chic villa in namma Navdha’s Thubarhalli. We were supposed to be a gang of 15 peoples, but only 10 turned up, but so what? we had enough to eat. Radio Verve maggu Shreyas had brought a friend and his fiancée too, and we all generally had a good time. Several failed attempts at getting everyone to dance and a superb dip recipe later, we were sprawled on the cute kiddy mattresses with perverted softie toy pillows as our parddners in crime.
So we played DC and then tried playing Truth or Dare, but then when you’ve known everyone there for at least 2 years, there’s just that much you can get out of them kaada?
Binu and Aditya were the bum couple and god bless their love for each other. Droogie called up and then Freddie also called up, could I have asked for more? I think Freddie is finally falling for me, after two years of the most roller coaster relationship ever, he finally ends every conversation with a soft yet totally audible and heart warming “I love you” – Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
He even told me my sexy voice was getting him into trouble, when he called me this morning! I am losing it… I am losing it, It is losing me… I am lost.
Okay, back to narration of a lifetime. So we played gamesu and then we also sang a few mad crack jokesu, but the crowning glory of the evening was the pathetic sula champagne. Pliss to be throwing in dustbin if peoples ever bring you Sula champagne. It is cheap for a reason, let it be known!
At 4 we all decide to drive out for breakfast, and so while Navdha cribs herself to sleep, we all push off avec just arrived Jamed Genggu, and drive off to the cool Ramanagarams. Whet’s funny is, I was just shouting at the top of my livers, about how these uncreative Bengalooruvas will all be heading to CCD (with all the pseudo Ooomph I can get into pronouncing the three dreaded letters) on the Mysore Road! So we self condemned uncreative Bengalooruvas headed out and then landed at Kamat Loka Ruchi for brekfashtu. I had one yemmy set dosa, and PDDKR had a mooda idli. Everyone else had Pooris! We all had some sooper kaapi before we hit the road. However, not before we had a stupid porkinaathan driver spoil the New Year morning for us. Sum-sumney he came in our way and caused the most complicated drive out possible. Whatte bum! On top of all that he looks at the car and seeing my elegantly carved “Mathew is a bitch!” (in Tamil) thinks we are all Tamil! I was all ready to brandish my sword of tamil-ness before, he cowers seeing my Bhadrakali eyes and moves out of the way!
Just then full Illaiyaraja moment happened! We are backing out in red kutti alto (ayyio! Whatte small car it is no? has anyone ever realised?) and I see the sun slowly rising and suddenly “Yamunai Aatrilaey” plays off in mindsu. As I cognially drool at Shobana and hum the song, light bulb flashes and I ask if we can go to Srirangapattana? All say yes and we head out…
Bollywood music a la “Yeh Dostiiii”, playing in the background, we drive to Srirangs and all the while we’re giggling at Mathew’s new found passion of bird dancing! He flaps his wings and soars, all the while my uyir in my mouths hoping he doesn’t decapitate his hands (lol!) what an impossible phrase!
Suddenly like one Mani Ratnam movie, everything goes slow, and we that is Vishy the Fishy, PDDKR and me notice James Genggu staring at us. They are on some rumble strips (haha!) and have crashed into a city taxi indica. What follows is a mad crack bargain and a final payment of Rs 4,500 towards damages.
Again Yeh Dostii happens and we’re on our way…
We reach Srirangapattana, disturb a Madrasa in progress, buy stupid eveready batteries that will die out after two clicks on cool Fujifilm camera and check out the whole fort and everything within. We discover the Kaveri and sit and watch the Train pass over the Wellesley bridge and let the cool breeze filter through our sub-craniums.
Illaiyaraaja came to life once more, and I sing the song, not before noticing a Brahmin and a well-educated (I am assuming) Tulu couple and their extremely fair daughters come there for a Pooja.
We then head out to the ignored Obelisk and discover hidden steps to somewhere instead. It’s top secret so I can’t tell you. All I can say is I am now officially a part of the tantalising three! Yeah!!!!
Next up is palace on other side of road and then the last sangam a km further down the road there. We re-discover my fav place at Gumbaz and sit on the well-shaded terrace till Vishy the Fishy has his share of Gumbaz moments.
Sangam was dirty and well too crowded. What was cooler was the Meitei Bamon couple I saw there. They had a fairly my aged son, hot and all, shirtless for a few minutes, and that was enough to make me sit and gape. Shirtless, lean, Manipuri men! Need I ask for more? The family was so meitei, it reminded me of Manipur. What were they doing there? Is a question that never got solved, till we drove back and I saw a Gosai Ghat on the way! Tube light and choke flickered and I connected. Shantidas Gosai brought Vaishnavism to Manipur, maybe he had something to do with this place? Need to figure out more…
We then headed back to Namma Bengalooru and on the way ate at Otal Haripriya (a family fav with PDDKR, as her mom’s name is Priya and her brother Hari!) and we were convinced the bill would be more than the cash we had. Several ideas on who’ll wash what if we didn’t have the cash later, we ate a scrumptious Mandya mealsu and headed to city. I reached homesu at 7.30 pm and then surundified some dosais which I ate with home made pulsu and thakkali chutneysu.
Whatte day no? Thet’s why I’m thought of blogging it. Oh! I sang mad crack songs and did many impersonations for Droogie as he baked the bread for his family that night. I am remembering he was making Idlis for his sister Divya and that he said he has two more admirers like me its seems!
I will fight, I say. Is my discovery, why I must let go, say!