Bite into this!

I woke up this afternoon, completely sure I had been bit. Bit by what you ask? Twilight fever of course! What else could occupy the mind of one such as me — occult-curious, slightly deviant and oh-so-into hunky men? Who am I kidding? This was just the millionth time I had fantasized about my ‘someone special’ being a Vampire.

My obsession with Vampires dates back to when I was 12 [‘dates back’ — makes me already sound like a Vamp(ire)!]. My horror movie lover brother, hired a ‘banned cassette’ from our local VHS store when my parents were out on work. We were home alone for 3 days and nights, and we ensured we had enough of scary movies to keep us awake till the early hours of morn each day.


One of those naughty taboo indulgences, at least one of them that stayed with me till date is ‘An interview with a Vampire’. Based on Ann Rice’s brilliantly written novel with the same name, the masterpiece was a visual orgasm, complete with an almost deific looking cast (all Vampires though, how ironic!), an evil and yet beautiful homoerotic storyline, and a thin narrative that somehow managed to connect deviant vampirism, mainstream sexuality and taboo raw passion in a way I’d never seen before. Well, I was 12 and I won’t exaggerate on how it actually influenced me. I was petrified and quite scared to be completely honest. I kept dreaming that I’d been bitten and even swore I saw a Vampire several times. That apart, what my young mind did remember was the physical beauty in each of the individuals portrayed.


Vampires have always been portrayed as beautiful things. Myths and legends around the world claim the ‘supposed species’ have a weak spot for the ravishingly beautiful and won’t think twice to make one such, one of their own. Vampires are often deviously handsome or pretty, are extremely well mannered and possess such sexual prowess that only the chastest could resist their charm.


So, do I believe in Vampires, you ask? Well, I do, as much as I believe in Cro-Magnon man and the River Saraswati, things I’ve never really seen, but believe to exist. Why do I believe in them, you ask? Well. these blood sucking pretty things have always occupied the imagination of cultures as far spread as Puerto Rico and China and that can’t be a simple coincidence. The animal like hunger that these ‘creatures’ have for feeding on fresh blood is often the most tantalizing, terrifying and titillating element of their deviant existence. I don’t know of even one ‘sexually mature’ friend, of either gender, who hasn’t fantasized of biting or being bitten quite vampirously at least once. Almost all of us do it. I even have a theory that the ‘hickey’ that’s so popular (love bite for the more romantic) is nothing but a more subtle version of these ravenous lustful desires.


So what is it that drives women (and several men) up the wall squealing in anticipation to be the next victim (even in role play) of some gorgeous Vampire? (Read Robert Pattison) and why do we all get so riled up about how gorgeous and seductively evil the whole concept of blood sucking can be? I think it’s just the need for raw passion. Raw unbridled seductively evil passion that we all crave from our individual partners. Something that we assume will give us immense pleasure and yes, also the fact that most Vampires are HOT and extremely do-able. Watching re-runs of the trailers however I have just realised that while Vampires do turn me on in a ‘special way’, post New Moon and Taylor Lautner, Werewolves now occupy a ‘special’ place in my list of fantasies too! All I’m going to say for now is (and I mean it), Taylor Swift, move aside girl, you’ve got stiff competition! Lol :P

Washing this anger away

It’s been over a month now, and two weeks since I’ve sat down to write something about life in this new city. I’ve had lots to say and a lot more to share, but circumstances and an overcoming sense of lethargy always seemed to get the better of me. Lethargy in a city that thrives on an irrepressible buzzing energy and uncontrollable raging hormones — you ask — raising that ever-indulging eyebrow? Yes, LETHARGY and loads of it! The weather’s changed, but nothing else seems to have moved an inch, including me, much like that ‘normal’ traffic jam I was in, the other day. I was stuck in a Taxi on a flyover halfway between Byculla and Palton Road, all thanks to a meeting held by Mr Marathi Manoos Saviour (read Raj Thackeray and his MNS) at the Haj Committee building. The jam lasted for an hour and a half and I said nothing. I didn’t even complain! Funnily, I actually took time out to enjoy the free birds view of South Mumbai that I was ‘treated’ to. It wasn’t pleasant, at least not here. Picture me doing this in Namma Ooru. Me, who moved residence to the centre of town only because I couldn’t take the occasional 15-minute traffic hold up at Silk Board flyover, was now twiddling my thumbs, humming tunes and karaokeying to my MP3 player as vehicles stalled all around me for miles in either direction. Was I becoming an escapist? If escapism suddenly meant to want to run away, I wondered later. Frankly, I believe it’s the city to blame. What else could it possibly be? Like some unexplainable paradox, this city’s chaotic life often leaves someone like me blissfully and unalterably lethargic. With everyone going mad trying to reach work on time, catch that train on time, get to that mall on time, date bf/gf on time, eat on time, drink on time and the like, I preferred giving myself loads of extra hours with practically nothing to do. So, how did I keep myself occupied you ask? Well, it was simple actually. Here’s what my itinerary looked like a few days ago, purely for example’s sake. Wake up at 11 am. Get ready by 1 pm. Take cab to Goregaon (approx 20 kms away) at 2 pm. Watch Tamil/Telugu movie at strange slippery-floored mall (read Oberoi) for ‘jusht chumma’ sake at around 4 pm. Take a cab back to Parel after movie. Sit at home and stare at feet for another hour or so. Take cab to Colaba to meet ‘love interest’ or friend or both. Hang out at Theobroma’s, eat at Bagdadi’s or sit at Marine Drive and stare at crashing waves…right!…dead sea. Wonder what I’m doing here still, get depressed, then eventually bored, take cab back home. Sleep. Mumbai does have its charm. Maybe just that I am not the kind to be charmed by it. There is magic in the air, yes, but there’s also lots of dust, the ever present smell of fish and a stale dank sordid feeling that will never leave you. The rain today washed away most of my anger towards the city. Anger that some considered sinful to even mention. As I folded up my pants and ran to office carefully avoiding puddles with unmentionable and unclassifiable remnant goo, I missed clear waters with an aching for home that choked me. I miss Bangalore’s rains, the madness and juvenilia in the puddles and the fresh, clean gorgeous city after the rain. How I envy you, while you read this. You, who can run out after the next shower and be a kid all over again. You who breathe in that city I adore. Save it for me, please, I beg. I am on my way home.

Simply Fabulous, I say!

Quick Gun Murugan is brilliant to say the least. With an amazing script and a hilarious storyline,this tale of an entertainingly created and superbly portrayed cowboy super-hero is sure to be one of the year's best comedies.
Cast: Rajendra Prasad, Rambha, Nasser and Raju Sundaram
Director: Shashanka Ghosh

Take the accent and dialogues of one of Tamil cinemas' most famous faces (read Rajnikanth), who is Marathi;add to that the style of a king of the yesteryears (read MGR), who is Malayali; get an actor who is of Teluguorigin to play the part (read Rajendra Prasad) and what do you have? Quick Gun Murugan, yes, but more importantly, one of the best pan-south Indian comedies ever made!

Quick Gun Murugan is caricaturing taken to the levels of a fine art. With elements thrown in from every corner of every state south of the Vindhyas, the accents and stylisations alone can make you pass through this one, thoroughly satisfied. A storyline that is simply the homework of someone who knows what being South Indian really means, be prepared to laugh your head off at the stereotypes represented to perfection.

The performances are amazing too. Rajendra Prasad is brilliant as Murugan. His natural talent for aping the icons combined with his problematic good looks (read Telugu good looks), add up to an interesting mix, that will surpriseyou at every stage.

Rambha as Mango Dolly is fun. She seems to have enjoyed the role thoroughly and that's evident in herhilarious on-screen portrayal of Dolly. I particularly liked Raju Sundaram as MBA. It's been quite some time since we saw his brand of comedy on screen. The out and out stealer is however Nasser. With his Telugu accent and mannerisms, he's sureto tickle the funny bone of anyone who's ever seen a 'mass' Telugu movie. What worked in the English version of the film was the huge chunk of sub-titled Tamil dialogues. Not only did they add extra much-needed flavour, but they retained an authenticity that would have otherwise been lost.

The cameos by Anu Menon(Lola Kutty) and Vinay Pathak were amazing, but Ranvir Shorey as the sansani reporter was the winner! The music stands out all through the film and most of the audience was humming some tune or the other from the filmas we left the show.

This one is an all out entertainer, so take your friends and family or take them each separately,because we're sureyou wouldn't mind watching the movie all over again, several times. I am surely going to!

Mind it, I say!

Mind it! Quick Gun Murugan might be the next funniest thing to hit Bollywood, but to someone like me, I’m not too sure that’s good humour anymore. In what seems to be a trend these days, television and the ad industry are cashing in on the supposed South Indian accent, and making loads of money at the expense of ridiculing a community. What’s wrong in that you say? Well, to begin, let’s talk about the concept. The idea of a South Indian accent, as has been endorsed so brilliantly by Bollywood over the last few decades, is a farce. I will agree that there might have been something similar that was spoken, which in turn was exaggerated beyond recognition into the ugly sounding parlance that is now passed off as South-Indian-speak. Why is that wrong you say? Well, it’s wrong because it’s factually incorrect, as factually incorrect as another existing notion that all Sardarji’s are stupid. The accents in the South are as interesting as accents get. Often as students of language, one cannot but marvel at the way these accents have evolved. Take for example phrases like, ‘Simply Adjust Maadi’ – a phrase that defines a whole generation and the ideology it stands for. Or for example the interesting ‘Tanglish’ (Tamil-English) words that have no English equivalent. I mean can the much-researched process of roaming around an area that houses one’s ‘heartbeat’ be more eloquently expressed than with the usage of the word ‘Suththify’? It’s just a joke, why take it so seriously, you ask? Well, I agree at some point it was funny. The days of the ‘ek chathura-naar’ being the funniest song on television have long gone and the accent that’s supposedly South-Indian over done with half a dozen Mithunda movies. Sridevi actually has a natural South-Indian accent and had to put on a fake, more identifiable South Indian accent for ‘Malini Iyer.’ Who even does that and more importantly why? Lola Kutty is funny and thankfully she’s appreciated for her sense of humour that is only made funnier with the Malabar-Twang, but cross your heart and swear that you’ve only heard Malayalis speak with that far-fetched accent? It’s not like movies haven’t ridiculed accents in good taste! Read ‘Thenali’ or the more recent ‘Dasavathaaram,’ where Kamal Hassan pulled off a brilliant Telugu accent, that was appreciated by several Telugites themselves. Shah Rukh Khan trying to be all South-Indian and funny on the other hand, the lesser said the better. Yes, all the North Indians in the theatre laughed their heads off, while one half of the South-Indians giggled just to please the crowd and the others, like me, swore that Bollywood was the last thing we’d turn to for comedy. Believe me that was a choice well taken. Rajnikanth might be an icon and his way of speaking at times hilarious. What Bollywood fails to realise is that South-India is evolving into a far prouder demographic. We love the way we are and some of us even see sense in our peculiarities, for good reason. With such a wave of newfound self-respect and love, Quick Gun Murugan might not be the best movie for us to be so excited about. Yes, we’ll still watch it and yes we’ll enjoy it, but that’s only cause we don’t mind laughing at ourselves and of course, Bollywood – will they ever get it? But for those of you who are planning to laugh in ridicule, all I’m going to say is – Mind it!

Prevention is better than cure?

“I am feeling faint, I feel sick, maybe I have swine flu, lol :P” read the status message of a friend just a few minutes ago. While I should commend this friend of mine for being so silly and brave while the whole city runs mad with swine flu panic, I also think maybe we’re taking it a tad too lightly. But then again are we? I remember my mother (the ever wise) always saying, “Eat well, and nothing can harm you.” Sometimes I wish it were that simple. A look at me and any one worth an opinion would swear that I am a good-eater and I am indeed! Is that why I don’t fall sick too often (touch wood)? But then, what about falling ill, being apparently poisoned by food, hardly a week ago. “Oh! That’s just bad luck,” my mother would say and I might just have to agree. Food experiences in India revolve largely on the notions of luck.Indians are world-renowned for being tough creatures. Yes, we are a prime example of the human race, evolved in every sense, tough from the inside and the outside. Our food is considered unhealthy, why even poisonous to a few, and yet we thrive and consume kilos of these ‘oriental delicacies’ per day and stay perfectly fine. We actually grow eating it, as much as many westerners might find that surprising. Hygiene is re-defined in the country’s many food-lanes. If it smells ok, the food looks clean and the cook has a smile on his face, the food is safe – any old grandmother would agree. Our stomachs have been lined since the day we were born with layers of protective coatings and most of the time, the old-oil from that last plate of pakodas, wouldn’t elicit a burp while it might have poisoned a whole township in Seattle. We’re tough yes, we agree! Yet, we’re also the same species who will run like wild animals to the nearest hospital the moment an epidemic is announced. “Doctor! My eyes are red, do I have swine flu,” a doctor friend was genuinely asked, by a patient earlier today. Remember Chikungunya? How we all thought we had it? Maybe panicking comes naturally to us, as a people plagued by epidemics for centuries (read the innumerous plagues and virus epidemics we’ve faced over the last few centuries). So maybe, it’s in our blood. But need we worry that much?All I’m saying is, “We’re Indians!” Fine! Be concerned and do keep track of what’s happening to your body, but the next time you feel an itch in your nose, please do take a minute to consider that all you need is a good scratch, not the run to the nearest swine flu center.

Maathey Malayadhwaja Paandya Sanjaathey...

I first heard this beautiful krithi raagam in Morning Raaga and I'm forever indebted to the movie, its makers and everyone who was involved in getting me to watch it, for it has become a part of my daily life... and I just can't seem to pass one whole day without one hearing of this amazing rendition...The following is the link from youtube of the Original Morning Raaga video of the song, which is also the beginning of the movie. What a way to start...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIYFIvhLO98

Here are the lyrics in all the languages I could use to write it in...Hope its of some use to anyone!I know I might have made a few spelling mistakes, especially in the Tamizh version where I was torn between the use of the grantha alphabets or the native equals... I chose the grantha :

மாதே மலைய த்வஜ பான்ட்ய ஸந்ஜாதே...

மாதங்க வதன குஹ ஸஹொதரி ஷன்கரி சாமுண்டேஷ்வரி...

சந்திரகலாதரி, தாயே கௌரி...

માતે મલયધ્વજા પંડય સંજાતે...

માતંગ વદન ગુહા સહોદરી શંકરી ચામુંડેશ્વરી...

ચંદ્રકલાદરી તાયે ગૌરિ...

ಮಾತೆ ಮಲಯಧ್ವಜ ಪಂದ್ಯ ಸಂಜಾತೆ...

ಮಾತಂಗ ವದನ ಗುಹ ಸಹೋದರಿ ಶಂಕರಿ ಚಾಮುಂಡೇಶ್ವರಿ...

ಚಂದ್ರಕಲಾದರಿ ತಾಯೆ ಗೌರಿ...

മാതെ മലയധ്വജ പാണ്ട്യ സന്ജാതെ...

മാതംഗ വദന ഗുഹ സഹോദരി ശങ്കരി ചാമുന്ടെശ്വരി...

ചന്ദ്രകലാതറി തായേ ഗൌരി...

మాతే మలయధ్వజ పాండ్య సంజాతే...

మాతంగ వదన గుహ సహోదరి శాంకరి చాముండేశ్వరి...

చంద్రకలాదరి తాయే గౌరీ...

Betrayed by a Democracy

This is a piece that appeared edited in the MidDay Bangalore a day after the fake encounter... Here's the unedited version...
Pic Courtesy: Tehelka

A quick glance through Tehelka’s exclusive coverage of the fake encounter in Imphal yesterday is a piece of evidence that’s been long pending. Our country is no more a nation but a set of individualistic territories not willing to give up their differentiating identities. Can a nation be more nihilistic? For years as a young Manipuri-Tamizh, I tried explaining my stand as an Indian to groups of intellectuals who always tried to convince me that our country had gone terribly wrong. I wanted to have faith. I wanted to believe in the idealistic India – a country that was a home to many, a nation built on difference, bound by a constitutionally guaranteed equality. I did believe, wholeheartedly, till I moved to Manipur in early 1999. Hardly a month in the state and I realized how naïve I actually was. Nothing seemed democratic in the state anymore. A deteriorating educational system, backed by a powerless government, that had plunged the state into a virtual black age. Troops from the Indian army had taken law into their own hands for a long time by then and funnily enough locals who were in the Indian army also indulged in these acts that can only take one name - Opression. Fine, the local people had asked for a separate state. Yes, they were an armed militia and of course, a few groups were always associated with illegal activities like extortions and abductions – but where was the army being any different? My two-year stint in the state came to and end and I ran back to the south to complete my education. Vague and often muted cries of help did catch my attention, and an occasional Manorama did make it to the national headlines, but that was it. I was blissfully ignorant and content. I spent my time researching culture and falling in love with the India of my dreams. My degree in journalism helped me get involved with the local media and I realized that the inequalities in this country were far too many. My India was no more the place I dreamt it was. It was it's ugly opposite that was the reality I saw. States oppressed communities by holding back infrastructure – read Telengana, and others suppressed the rich cultural heritage of minorities in bargain for a more unificatory identity – read Karnataka. Some states even went to the point of declaring state religions and imposing compulsory prayers in government school like the incomparable Madhya Pradesh. India seemed to be a democracy only in our constitution. The real story was something else altogether. It was hard to make comparisons and decide who was suffering the most. It was however obvious that the only states suffering from nothing less than a central controlled military backed opressive rule were the 3 North Eastern states of Assam, Manipur and Nagaland and Jammu & Kashmir in the North. These regimes were however justified by the government as security measures. The world knows enough about the Kashmir issue, but the plight of the North East is still one of the least reported military backed crime sagas. With the brilliant coverage given by Tehelka on the supposed encounter, it’s now for the world to see how our centre responds. Will the centre care enough to clean up these crimes and give satisfactory explanations to the people of Manipur or like always will they ignore it long enough and hope it disappears like a bad dream? The world is watching and this time the country is watching too – the core of our democratic India is finally being questioned. Can we blame this one on the militia too? And since we’re asking, are we really sure we’re not involved in Baluchistan’s terrorism as claimed? Are we that sure about anything anymore?

My Vision for India

A piece originally written for a magazine article that might never ever get published... Decided to publish it here...

The India we live in, is an India I love; ever changing and chaotic – a quality that’s often inevitable and necessary. Being a 22 year old gay man who has been associated with the media for the last five years – I now realise, know fully well and believe that India, as a democracy, has hope. I, like many others in my age group, grew up in a country filled with hypocrisy, double standards, failing government machinery, under-representation and stark ethnic biases. The country was defined by its several paradoxes, almost like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that would never fit in and yet we thrived and grew into thinking individuals. Representing varied ethnicities from, quite literally, corners of the country; I grew up in a family that imbibed, what I would like to call, ‘true Indian-ness’. We belonged to several cultures, had diverse religious backgrounds and evolved into the Indian who lived in peace and co-existence. We were, to put it simply, the post-independent-unified-India’s perfect Indian family. Language was never our barrier; because we chose a language that was ours and yet not ours – English, that belonged to everyone. The country, for as long as I remember, had violent and vehement identity politics at the very base of its functioning. Be it the less publicised ostracising of North-easterner’s, or the more vocal, obvious and often colour-based South-North divide. Communities that refused to fall under the well-camouflaged, yet widely implemented homogenising processes, had to bear the brunt and still do, by being considered enemies of the majority. Be it the Dravidian movement of the South or the Secessionist movements in the North-east and Kashmir, the only linking character has been the resentment of a culture imposed. The same can be said of the gay community, who even after a legal verdict in their favour, are still being judged, persecuted and pushed to the fringes of society, all in the name of majority politics. Will minorities ever have a right to exist equally? When did the majorities start to matter and why? Or rather, when did this anonymous majority, which does not really have one singular representational face, start feeling claustrophobic by every extra right given to the minorities? Why is there a need to impose a uniform culture in a country that prides itself in its diversity and for that matter why do we have one official Language of India? These questions will never be answered; the answers might just prove how un-democratic we’ve come to be. The future of India is in equality. Till, we as educated citizens of a well-rooted democracy, fight for every right that has been held back, things might never change. I envision India to be the democracy that will show the way to the world. We do have our loopholes in all our systems, but as long as we are motivated to demand what we deserve, the future seems worth-it. The struggle has just begun; we are fighting for a new kind of Independence; an Independence from our devolved selves.
We need to realise that we define India, India doesn’t define us.

Being Gay in Christ.

This is a piece I had written for DNA Mumbai and was published soon after the prides in three cities across the country.

I do not speak as an authority on Christianity’ but as a Christian who defines his life through his faith in Christ. The religion to me is a way of life and my choices, ethics and beliefs are built around the very core of Christ’s teachings. Christianity as I have understood it is a religion that teaches you that love is indeed supreme. As long as two people are convinced that they are in love and are not negatively affecting or influencing anyone else’s existence by being in love, they ought to be allowed to continue to exist in such a relationship. The faith has always called for acceptance and tolerance, always preferring the former. The church, catholic or otherwise, has been against homosexual relationships because as a structured organisation it has believed in their ‘deviance’. The religion as it has evolved looks at the institution of marriage with a rather one-minded approach, that of procreation and since most such supposedly ‘unnatural’ alliances cannot create life, they are deemed useless and even furthered to be sinful. Several interpretative readings of certain passages in the Bible are often used as the basis of this biased reasoning. My only question is, when did our churches forget, that Christ himself accepted. Churches will agree that Christianity is defined as a religion of fellowship, but they seem to forget that often more than not, it is more importantly defined as a religion of personal faith. I believe I am at peace with my personal faith and my sexuality and hence if the people I fellowship with or the church that I worship at have an issue with my sexuality, I will not think twice to disassociate myself with either. The choice at the end of the day is in accepting as Christ would have accepted, or in creating rules based on general biases that keep the ‘different’ out of the church. The church of today will have to consider the future of the religion, the teachings of Christ and then make this important choice.

Madras suththi paakuh ponaen!

I finally visited Chennai and thanks to the unending friendship of someone close, I ended up staying in hotels all through. Good for me. I got to see more of the city this way. As bad as the trip was, Chennai appeals to me and so here’s my list of why Chennai rocks and why it doesn’t. I’ve further added a comparison to Hyderabad, my least favourite city in South India for now, just to make comparisons more interesting!

What I like about Chennai:
1) The quaint white bridges, everywhere!
2) The super cool radio stations that always play my kinda music
3) Road names that speak volumes.
4) The central looking Central Station
5) The green. (It’s a myth that Chennai is not green enough!)
6) The friendly auto drivers, always willing to help.
7) The bus services that seem to run the city.
8) The stretches of beautiful beaches, finally looked after.
9) The street food – Yummy!
10) The fact that whatever happens, the city will always remain heavily Tamizh.

What I hate about Chennai:
1) The fact that every area looks the same! How!
2) That cable TV translates into well… 20 Tamizh channels.
3) The weather!!!!!!!
4) The lack of a Central shopping district/entertainment district.
5) The seeming lack of water.
6) The exorbitant auto rates and the fact that they don’t use the metres.
7) The ancient buses (Sorry! If Bangalore can afford a new fleet, so can Chennai!)
8) The lack of proper restaurants to eat at or the lack of choice thereof.
9) The superb ability of the city to make you feel useless.
10) The madness called life, where anyone can get lost.

Chennai V/S Hyderabad
1) Chennai has a local train system, Hyderabad has a metro rail system that runs on the same tracks but is extremely affordable and efficient – Metro wins
2) Chennai has amazing roads and the dust always seems settled, Hyderabad is a dusty paradise where breathing can become difficult if you’re not used to it – Chennai wins
3) I do not see garbage in Chennai, Hyderabad stinks of garbage – Chennai wins
4) Chennai has the Koovam, Hyderabad has the Moosi – Hyderabad wins even though they both stink terribly
5) Chennai offers more to do all over the city, Hyderabad has too few and all concentrated in a very unappealing area – Neither win! Bangalore wins.

Simply put – Bangalore rocks! :)