Thursday, March 10, 2011

guava — the common man.

The world around me crumbles into small spots of nothingness, much like the flavour of guava that caught my attention, intriguing and boring me in cyclic repetitions as I tried the ‘brand’ new flavour of frozen yoghurt at the ‘around-the-corner’ much favoured fro-yo bar. So much for indigenous tastes!

The flavour was spotty and I am not trying to be ‘gastronomically deep’ when I say this. I could actually only taste the subtle crappy flavours of guava and vanilla (if that’s what the rest of it tasted like) in spots. So, why did I have it? Well, that’s as simple a question as why am I gay? — I don’t know, being the shortest, least rude and most apt answer, ever!

Moving onto nothingness —no, I am not trying to randomly use ‘ness’ suffixed words, though most anglophiles would readily agree at the prettiness of a ‘ness’ word. I meant nothingness because; the treat apparently had no ‘bad’ yummy things and reminded me of how my life was becoming — Safe. Sanitized. Secure. Sad.

I miss doing things at whim. Jumping into buses at tandem random! Making out with a complete stranger (yes, I have been slutty {subjective}, at times, only!)... Falling for someone pretty on the road and then pursuing them... falling in love... falling out of love... falling... free falling... I wished I was a fallen angel sometime ago. Being good can be such a bore!

Straight men are anything but straight. They’re often devious little, super-gorgeous, super-twisted, super-narcissistic men, who for some reason, find me, in all my gay-disapproved-boring-ness, perfect as their object of affection. Now, I am not complaining, I do enjoy every inch... did I just say inch, of course not, I meant bit... every bit of their attention, but their genuineness (Ha-ha! one more!) often leaves me wishing they were not-so-straight!

If you aren’t into men, why do I so entice you? Or do you consider me a woman? That doesn’t embarrass me in anyway, but if I am a woman in your eyes, then why can’t you date a woman, a real one, vagina-breasts-mammary glands included? Why me?

Now, don’t get me wrong! I adore you guava straight man, interesting in bits, and boring otherwise, who agree you find gay men interesting — but why make me go weak in the knees, why flirt, why throw yourself at me, and then withdraw, only because the game suddenly dawns into your reality. You guava men! You are a lame excuse for a fruit!

I’ve been playing this game for eight years and maybe now, maybe now, maybe now, finally... I give up! Nothingness guava flavoured fro-yo for me, any day! The real fruits can go and become a part of somebody else’s fruit salad.