Thursday, January 31, 2008


A field of sunflowers…
Unending stretches of yellow…
The sun as bright and pleasant as it ever could be…

Memories I’ve never experienced…
Images of a lover I’ve never seen…
Songs well known playing in the background…
Of Rehmaan and a nightingale’s queen.

Sounds of running water…
Playfully tease my loneliness…
I dream of the one who will come…
That one among the many.

Holding me gently…
He will never let go…
The joy will always continue…
And forever overflow.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Round-Up January 2008.

Round-Up January 2008

Hi! And welcome to my yearly round-up, that brilliant (self-acclaimed) post of mine that tells you everything you need to know about everyone around me. Yupp, you will have to know me to know whom I’m talking about, but the round-up will be an interesting read all the same… So here’s to friends and joyful memories. Cheers!

Golti-Tamizh Paiyen is till very much in love with Malayali-Tamizh Lover girl. Good for him! We still talk and I still would give anything in the world for him.

Krishnan Ammai is hale and hearty and enjoying life as her annan is now married to sweet-kps-classmate-bhatt.

AK47 is missing in action, god alone knows why; near-fatal incident a la Libra has left us partitioned over several issues I assume. Independence was never the solution.

Goan-Tamizh-Malayali Paiyen is happy. He has ‘finally’ broken off from said cute-Kannada-girl. He marries off his sister in a few days, and I plan to help him with the ceremonies.

Malayali-Dusky-Goddess is in Mumbai, works for a religion and has fallen for a Goan boy. Her marriage is a-pending anytime now. Happiness I see, but I amn’t too sure.

Kashmiri-Adonis is busy playing hide and seek. I miss him so much. Wish he would come back, and be a part of my increasingly boring life.

Girl-I-would-marry-if-I-had-a-chance 1 is in France, pursuing her higher studies. We talk. That’s enough for me for now; actually that’s enough for eternity.

Girl I would marry if I had a chance 2 is in Hyderabad, having seconding issues in love, life and lectures. She is as she always was. She can still never NOT bring a smile to my face.

Golti Film Maker is busy learning to make films, in city he hates, and growing back his cuteness that he lost a month ago. I can see a crush coming. It’s actually already here. He is single and I pray he stays that way. When will he get fate?

Goan-Hunk was sick in town for long times, but is back in biriyani nagar. He forgets who I am the moment he sees the coloured rices. Promiscuousness is not something I need worry about. Food was always man’s first love.

My Adonis is now happily married to animal-healer girlfriend. They live together in harmony not far from Home 1, and still watch movies. He gets hotter when he is happier. I naat like. Actually I very much like.

Konkani-NDTV is working for Google and still dreams of her journalism career. She met her first boy bastard and has come out a winner. A bit late, but everyone has to start somewhere.

Nine Ten is busy being clandestine. But if that’s what keeps her happy who am I to spoil her happiness. She in the meantime applies for courses, and cuts her hair, and becomes more girlish.

Adi-Dravidaar Ponnuh now two times with work and an MBA, she grows prettier by the day. People think we are in love. Are we? I am not too sure we aren’t.

Her sister is still being an American Call doing girls, and works hard now to literally keep the family. Marriage was in season but is now just a phase. Thanks be to god.

Goodhal is busy colleg’ing. Wonder if she’s upto anything these days other than teaching fatally gorgeous Iranian boys. I so J.

Brother Bear 1 is enjoying his press freedoms. Still randomly dating, Guess he’s got the most chicks in the family (?). Has a band now with said Goodhals above, Brother Bear 2 and a friend.

Brother Bear 2 is busy being himself. Plans on studying are finally materializing. It be so cool. He dreams of Japan and I pray it happens.

Brother Bear 3 is still lounging. The Piranha still eats and landscaping is now the final frontier. Oh yes! He is a year older in his marriage-ful life.

Original Boy-Wonder is working now, somewhere and all. We hardly meet and talk. I miss Krupanidhi only for what I miss of him.

Naidu girl is married and missing from action.

Business-Boy is still very business-see even though he is unemployed. Funny I must say. His clients are still his clients even though he doesn’t work for them no more. He watches movies like nobody’s business.

Isue is losing her extra pounds and looking prettier than ever. Don’t know if she’s seeing someone. Wish she’d find Mr. Right and get married. I want to be sweet uncle of sildrens. Yeah! She has so much plans. It gives me hope.

The G Girl Junior is happy in life. I like it that way. Looking so much better. She does miss Mallu-Hunk in Londyn but that she’s happy keeps me happy all the same.

The G Boy Senior is still managing the city’s talkers. The station is coming back. Whatte fun! He looks more aged and slowly acting that way too. Still a hunk though.

The CJ Ma’am is mommy again to a princess who grows prettier by the second. It’s so much fun when you know someone knows you eggjacktly. She’s that only one.

The Mallu-Hunk is in Londyn and still flirts like crajee. What would life be without such items ya? Miss him a lot, don’t know why though.

Musician-Hunk lives now in my dreamland (not my dreams, but where he stays). Plays hard to come by and I must say that hair is finally getting to me. Enough hair on face pliss. Reduce pliss.

The Lord of The Rings works with me, growing prettier locks, and becoming so girl-ie looking by the day. Never knew he was such a natural born good-looker. His band goes strong and everything seems ok.

I QC, subtitle and still live life. There’s so much I can look forward too, and I hope it all works out. Love seems to avoid me, but I think I ask for it. Opportunity also has forgotten my postal address. But life still goes on, and my biggest joys are from the littlest of things.

Welcome 2008.
May you be more rewarding than 2007 (atleast for me!)

Monday, January 28, 2008

Daboo Ratnani's January ;)

Joy to the world!

Just when I was about to give up, and say to hell with all these jerks, who consider themselves special, and different comme moiself, I found joy!

True love exists even within gay communities, and even though I know that it was always the case, the scenario in this freakin’ confused metropolis has befuddled me over and again.
So finally when I came across a brilliantly portrayed relationship, in a movie, it sure came as a happy reminder that hope still existed. I could wait and maybe, I would still find the perfect one.

The Adventures of Felix [Drole de Felix], was a chance treasure-find that I quite unassumingly came across at that hub of piracy also known as the Two-DVD-Stores at Commercial Plaza (Guess where?). These guys stock the best of DVD’s and well they are affordable. The prints are brilliant, coz’ these are copies of well… originals (Ironic!).
I am not one for being staunch against piracy, nor am I completely for it.
I would lash out at someone buying a pirated copy of a film that’s available quite easily as discount originals at any DVD store for anything below Rs. 60. But I hold back my argument when someone decides to buy a pirated DVD for say Rs. 70, when the original is priced at nothing below Rs. 599. As always argued, piracy is subjective and to uphold or detest is something that should remain personal. Governments intervening and holding laws defining what piracy is... seem utterly stupid.

The film however was amazing, and I feel no guilt for buying it off the store in that damned hub of such morally obscene ethics (Har! Har!). It followed a few days in the lives of an Arab hottie (Sami Bouajila) who is in a relationship with a teacher [Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! My ONLY dream :(]. He (La Arabe) works as a foreman (Ship) and has just quit his job. He plans on going to Marseilles to find his dad, whom he has never met. Brought up by his single-parent mum, the boy has all the qualities that make a gay boy that much more adorable. His partner (the teacher - Pierre Loup-Rajot) is a Caucasian boy, who doesn’t do much other than lip-lock the Arab hottie, several times during the movie (Grrrrrr!). So said Arab hottie plans out his trip and books a ticket to Marseilles for his boy-firend so that they’d both arrive a la Marseille on the same day, and the he sets out on a five day trip from Normandy walking and hitching a ride wherever he can.

The movie follows his amazing journey through the French country, where he meets the most gorgeous of people, and gets involved in what I can only refer to as the mystery and the grace of our human existence that has often been referred to as ‘mankind’.

I will not be a spoiler and tell you what happens, but the kisses and embraces that dot the film are just too beautiful to miss. The meeting of the two lovers at Marseille actually brought tears to my eyes, coz’ the most beautiful moments of love are often the most simplest. This film personifies ‘love’ as most of the international gay community perceives the beautiful emotion: Free, un-judgmental, unquestioning, and not in the least bit possessive. It’s not anywhere close to how I perceive the divine emotion, but their view is equally beautiful all the same. At the end of the day it’s just about True love… and everyone knows that ultimately…

Love rules all!

Dekhteen Hain Negaahaen Tujhe Iss Kadar….
Khoobsurat Hain Tu…
Iss Kadar…

Oh… Raanjhaa Sang Raen’na…
Oh… Dukh Sukh Saen’na…

The movie was released in 2000, from co-directors Oliver Ducastel and Jacques Martineau, who are in love, and share their lives together (who is surprised!)

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Another One Bites The Dust...

In Memoriam...

I will survive!

“Somebody, Anybody… Help…”

Every time I remember that scene, memories of desolation flood back into every single corner of my mind. Those few frames of utter hopelessness, where little Simba, seeing his father pushed of a cliff by an evil uncle, and then run over by a frightened herd of wilder beast, screams out, asking for help. The scream eventually turns into a plea, and then into ‘a mourn’ of
complete loss. [Referring to Disney’s Lion King]

Desolation is a beautiful word, for it represents what’s left over after ‘a destroying’ that might not have been as successful as it wanted to be. It therefore (to me at least) represents some hope that lingers on, in what’s left, when everything else stands destroyed.

Destruction is always with purpose.
Doing good can also destroy. But, however much one may try, desolation will always stand for the possibility of new growth, and re-birth.

The amending of ways, the change of idea, thought and perception.
The welcome of the new.
The choice of forgiveness or revenge.
The faith and belief that there is a tomorrow, and one needs to work towards living it.
It is therefore a blessing in the cruelest of all disguises.
An ujaala-venmaiyaay white lily, in the middle of a bloodied battlefield strewn with corpses.
A ray of light in an eternal darkness.
A hope when everything else is lost.

You, came into my life, and walked out at will.
You played with my every emotion.
You taught me to love, while being hated.
You let me learn how to give and not receive.
You brought light, yet took away my sunshine.
You were who you always wanted to be.
I am who I am.

I have not lost hope,
I still believe.
I know that you’ll return.

I will survive.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

The 'Y' Post.

Nadiyae Nee Aaanaal…
If you were to be a river…
Karai Naanaey,
Then I would be your bank.
Silluh Paravai Nee Aanaal…
If you were to be a flock of birds…
Unn Vaanam Naanaey.
Then I would be your sky.

Life is funny.
Suddenly you’re everything, and suddenly you’re not.
I guess every one has their peaks and troughs,
but why should it be like that?
Why should one feel bad, to feel good all over again?
Why can’t the status quo be ‘Happy’ and never change?
Is sorrow that essential in living a worth-it life?

Feeling like a ‘Loser’ helps, and that I know, as experience only makes people wiser, or so say the forefathers (Har! Har! – The Meitei in me, comes alive again. Yeah!), and Loser-syndrome-benefits in my life are many. But sorrows or unhappiness (es) really don’t lead to anything positive, do they? I’ve never really come across a person who has benefited quite triumphantly after a phase of extreme sorrow. They usually do enjoy life more afterwards, but why did they need it in the first place? Depression is sure to follow suit in most cases, and since I’ve been there and done that (Oui! Je suis La Pro!), I know how painful that can actually be. It hurts like there’s never going to be an end. There are no more beautiful sunrise’s, no more mellow evenings, no more voices to give you ‘jhumm’ and make your day, and no more songs that can make you cry tears of joy. Life becomes so pathetic, that there doesn’t seem to be a reason to live it. Depression leads to the feeling of not being appreciated, which finally leads to a very unhealthy isolation, which is something I feel I’m going through now.

Why is being appreciated so important?
Why can’t we just make do with being the simple people that we were born to be?
Why do we always need to strive towards earning some totally unachievable goal
that in the first place cannot exist, and in the second place,
might not have even been created by ‘you’?
Why is the need to ‘fit in’ so indispensable to almost everyone,
and to those to whom it doesn’t, well,
they weren’t going to ‘fit in’ in the first place.

Why can’t the people we love, love us back?
Why can’t we get what we want?
Why couldn’t we be the parents of our parents?
Why couldn’t we all be millionaires?
Why is India taking forever to develop?
Why is the world round and not square?
Why can’t we find life on other planets, and run away?

Why can’t we learn to face things as they are and not crib?

I wish I knew! I really do.
Of how time flew, far away...
leaving me (lonely) behind.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Mon Adonis from Down Under

“He's too pretty to be straight.”
That’s what Kalvin (The Gay Guy)
in House M.D says about Dr. Chase (Jesse Spencer)
in the Episode: Hunting (Season 2)
and I couldn’t agree more…

Pretty boys have to be gay; it’s just how the world functions and should continue to do so. If they weren’t gay, they would be tormented about their pretty looks my testosterone obsessed macho guys who well can never really appreciate the beauty than god created in man. All men need not be like grizzly bears and smell. It’s nice sometimes if they look like an Adonis and make you smile, just by how cute they actually are.
Jesse Spencer is one helluva cutie, I must confess. But then who’s surprised? Half the imports from Australia are anyway the hottest guys in Hollywood today. Just think hot, and think Australian… I mean how many guys can match up to Hugh Jackman, Heath Ledger, Eric Bana, Simon Baker (The Devil Wears Prada), Adam Garcia (Coyote Ugly), David Wenham (LOTR), and the list can go on and on…

These guys are raw, beautiful, at times extremely effeminate, and HOT ;)
I guess all that sun does actually do them some good.

But Jesse Spencer is a class apart. I loved him when he had short hair, I loved him as a pubescent in Neighbours, and I love him even more in House M.D.

Too bad the boy’s not in the series anymore…

Would love to see more of him for sure…
Just waiting for this boy to go places…

It will be all my pleasure.

Sunday, January 06, 2008


Have you ever woken up, completely in love with someone you have never met, and only seen? Well, if you haven’t this is not something you should be reading, scroll down to more domicile stuff, as you would like it, or read this crazed fan’s fantasy.


He walks in, my eyes light up…
The light slowly contours his image, and my heart skips a beat…
The light from the room falls on his oh-so-adorable face…
And slowly his image filters through those visual stimuli…
I sigh…
From emotions uncontrollable.

It is a wedding, and several known and unknown linger around.
I know him, and he knows me, and yet we don’t know each other.
(Ayyio! Andavaah, Can I get any cliché-er?)

I turn around and I see him…
He is what I’ve always dreamed of, and even more. A man in all his essences, yet effeminate just enough to make him lovable. Everything is quiet around me, and then suddenly from nowhere, a small little tune erupts in my head. Tamizh poetry at its best, slowly mixes with this tune, and a song once heard and always loved, drifts along with me into an ecstasy incomparable.

Poove Vaai Pasumboedhuh…
Kaatrae Oedaadhae Nilluh…

How I wish I was Simran, or even better his wife.

Shaam, aka Shyam; My Knight in Shining Armour hopeful No 1.

This gorgeous Tamizh Paiyen is from Namma Bengalooru, and ever since I have set eyes on him some 9 years ago, his face is a common spicy additive to my every fantasy.
He has managed to send jhumms down every inch of my skin when I see him, even now, and has been the sole cause for a failed relationship with a friend (who turned out to be quite THE jerk even though he looked so much like my Adonis).

He is so completely edible (lol!) from the amazingly yummy bod, to the deep set eyes, to that boy-like charm, to his voice… I have never been SO in love. I lusted for him in Laesa-Laesa, I fell in love with him in Iyarkai,
I envied him in 12 B,
and I was swept of my feet by him, in Ullam Kaetkumae.

As Simran so beautifully said in that song:

Kaadhalan Aaniakkuh Kaathirruppaen…
I will patiently wait till you turn into my lover
Kai Kettum Doorathil Poothirruppaen…
And still bloom with love for you, while I remain as close as I can

I have decided to always look forward to meeting this hunk and quite quietly (LOVE IT!) letting him know of my apparent eternal crush. So who cares if he’s not gay? I never said I want to sleep with him… I’m completely content to be just like this…

Un Swaasuh Paadhaiyil…
And within the distance of your breath
Naan Suttri Thiruguhvaen….
I will forever linger and wait.

If the character Simran played was real in 12 B, I’m sure I wouldn’t have been any different. The similiarities I see are too much. So yes! I sound like a stalker… But I mean him no harm. Pure, undiluted love was never a sin (Ahem!)
Haha :)

Shaam, what a perfect name. The time of even. Where the light meets the dark, where the good meets the bad, where fantasies turn into reality, where man and woman exist purely as humans, genderless and in perfect harmony.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Mr. Knight Inshiningarmour

Laalgudi Jayaraaman playing into my earphones,
Khoobsurat Hain Tu’ by Soumya Raoh feat. Sukhwinder Singh in my mind…
Do I multitask or what!?

Carnatic meets Lounge and is Happy!

The fourth day into the year, and I’m already missing the last year. This year begins with an instability that I hope I will somehow keep from affecting me. I pray that by the end it turns out well. Maybe that’s why Music all of a sudden means so much.
Friends whom I give so much a damn about willfully ignore me. Why do such things? There’s an understanding that if you want to ignore someone and not hurt them, you make sure they don’t know. Why would you rub it in to them that it was done on purpose and not ignore someone else within the same periphery, a good common friend at that!
Another ‘YOU’ who shares intellectual space with me and earns an income out of doing so, similar to me, is a known common friend, of another blissfully inhuman friend, and even though we both know that, there is this wall that still keeps us so far apart.


I am not like this. I suddenly need to be reminded ‘I am liked’. Not the perfect state for me to be in at 8:18pm on a Friday night. I wish I could say “Life sucks!” and be content. But I’ve done that too many times already. For someone who, like me, depends so parasitically on LOVE, this physical and temporal absence is really making the worst of me. Everyone around is in love, or is falling in love, or is fed up of it and getting out.
I on the other ironically different hand, have nothing whatsoever in the remotest bit close to anything like love.

Why can’t people I like, just well… LIKE ME! Why does it always have to be this constant war, of teaching each other lessons, or trying to be more realistic, or even worse; alternating sexuality, or the worst: marriage.

Where is Mr. Knight Inshiningarmour?

If he’s around, or even more pathetically if she’s around

(just in case – ‘coz the battle of the sexes never ends!)…
I would like to meet you now, kind sir.
It would be much appreciated.

And just to make things worse, here are some finitely sweet lyrics – the sort that the likes of me would fantasize of whispering into Mr. Knight Inshiningarmour’s ear when we finally do meet, and by chance even end up making love.

Dreams… Bah!

Khoobsurat Hain Tu
Soumya Raoh feat. Sukhwinder Singh
Music: Sandeep Chowta

Khoobsurat Hain Tu… Iss Kadar, Iss Kadar
Khoobsurat Hain Tu… Iss Kadar, Iss Kadar

Jaisey Khushiyoen Ka Chehraa
Aur Khushboon Ka Daeraa
Khoobsurat Hain Tu… Iss Kadar, Iss Kadar
Khoobsurat Hain Tu…Khoobsurat Hain Tu

Kudrat Se Jawaani… Saawan Ki Rawaani
Zulfoen Ki Adaayen… Humko Tadpaayen

Hotaa Hain Mohhabbat Ka Yeh Sehar

Koiee Jog Mein Dooba… Koiee Shoekh Mein Khoyaa
Jaisey Saawan Mein Koyal… Koiee Geet Sunaaye
Jaisey Saawan Mein, Saawan Mein, Saawan Mein

Dekhti Hain Nigaahain Tujhey… Iss Kadar
Iss Kadar, Iss Kadar… Iss Kadar, Iss Kadar
Khoobsurat Hain Tu (Khoobsurat Hain Tu)…
Iss Kadar, Iss Kadar

Ve Mein Naiyoen Djaanaa, Re Mein Naiyoen Djaanaa

Oh… Raanjhaa Sang Raen’na…
Oh… Dukh Sukh Saen’na…
Oh… Raanjhaa Sang Raen’na…
Oh… Raanjhaa Sang Raen’na…

Raanjhaa, Raanjhaa
Raanjhaa, Raanjhaa
R-a-a-n-j-h-a-a, R-a-a-n-j-h-a-a