Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Of returns and nothingness...

It’s been so long…
So much has come by,
So much of it gone…
Yet I remain, as I was…
Unchanged, Imperfect,
and Partly Content.

How much is often all that I can ask.
Changes all around affect me in every plausible way.
A lover, a friend, is now no-one in particular.
A confidante is now totally taken over, betrothed to the one he loves.
A possibility almost became a reality, and then remained as vague as ever.
A life that I awaited with so much hope came and went by…

Only I remain, and so does ‘He’.
The everlasting ‘He’.
I often wonder why ‘He’ never existed in my physical reality.
‘He’ would have been so perfect.
So complete.
So well…

I do not say I am Him. Only that I exist… because of Him.
And that reality has taken a long time to dawn on my perennially overcharged mind.

Christmas is finally here. The bells ring in my head, and I imagine lovely Holiday-like days. They just never seem to be coming by. The songs I have sung. They still resound in my mind.

Night and Day, day and night, all day long (always wanted to use that phrase!).

Our government seems completely oblivious of everything around it, or not within it. Governments fall and rise faster than ‘The Metro’ ever will. I am now an official MG Road boy.

I bank here, work here, hang out here, and meet here (in exactly that order).
The 19 KM’s that define me are all that Bangalore suddenly seems to mean.

I who loved change now partially loathe it. It’s far progressed beyond everything I foresaw. Beautiful and frightening at the very same moment… It strangely gives me hope… Hope of something brighter, something I must make brighter. Something that I can brighten, knowing fully well, I am just one of those few brightenings that brighten it, yet play my role, that is equally important.

Happiness does not exist. It cannot come.
It has to be created or invited.
And that’s a lesson well learnt.

My love goes out to Su, Funny and Vicks
for contributing so much in each of your special ways
for making life what it is…
Making me who I am…


SYED ABRAR said...

You returned back from Humpy
Now making merry
And walking On M.G road
look again you will see me in the crowd
You didn't see,crumpled bus ticket on the ground
To whom it belonged
Me and not your HE
Nor your special three
Time will tell who was ignored
When we meet again at Hollywood.

angelofdusk said...

:) is all i can say friend cos Happiness does exist. Think of it... the moment just before discovery is far more treasured than the discovery itself, the minute just before confessed love is far sweeter than love itself!! Loved the post!!!

Mithraah Indiirh said...

@ Syed
You make me sound like a criminal da...
What did i do?
When did it happen?
Yean bus ticketu?

Mithraah Indiirh said...

@ angel
Thanks :)
Wish i find more time...
so much i have to say...
No internet access!
(more plausible than - so little time!)

Princess Selene said...

love the post, relatable! glad u are back to scream, laugh, cry and vent online!

Mithraah Indiirh said...

@ Selene

Lol :)