Thank you for reminding me that I am human.
Just when I began assuming that my life was finally going places, you came in and offered love to me — true love, unadulterated and without any complications — your heart, pure, sweet and lovely on a silver shaky platter — and I chose to walk away.
I am a monster. I hate myself.
I can’t look at myself in the mirror anymore, because I am doing what I promised I would never do to someone else. I promised to never hurt someone who loved me and there I was, hurting you — you deserved so much more, so much more. You deserved me a few years ago. You deserve someone who could love you, like you love(d) me — unquestioning, eccentric and hopeful.
I wish, I could love you without meeting you. I wish, I could give you my all, without even knowing where things could go. I wish, I was still the romantic I was at 16, trusting in every promise that was rolled out of a willing tongue. I wish, I could love you for who you are and not what I want you to be. I wish, I wasn’t such a hypocrite!
But, I am not 16 and I am not untouched and I am not unhurt. My baggage refuses to let me take uninhibited steps. To fall in love with you, without ever meeting you, demanded too much of me. I couldn’t even manage to imagine what life with you would be like. I feared, falling out of love, before I even truly fell in.
I am still to blame. And you are still the good one. I hope you forgive me and meet me someday, and I hope, I am less confused then. I hope it all works out and magic happens and everything clicks then.
If it doesn’t — I’ll know I wasn’t worth you.
I’m still meeting you for your Birthday. I’m no present wrapped in glittery paper, but I’ll at least prove to you how much you’re worth — way more than this pitiable writer, who has lost all faith in his ability to love, unquestioning.
I will always love you.
♫ All those days watching from the windows... All those years outside looking in... All that time never even knowing... Just how blind I’ve been...
Now I’m here, blinking in the starlight... Now I’m here, suddenly I see... Standing here, it’s all so clear... I’m where I’m meant to be...
And at last I see the light... And it’s like the fog has lifted... And at last I see the light... And it's like the sky is new... And it’s warm and real and bright... And the world has somehow shifted... All at once everything looks different... Now that I see you...
All those days chasing down a daydream... All those years living in a blur... All that time never truly seeing... Things, the way they were...
Now he’s here shining in the starlight... Now he’s here, suddenly I know... If he’s here it’s crystal clear... I’m where I’m meant to go...
And at last I see the light... And it’s like the fog has lifted... And at last I see the light... And it's like the sky is new... And it’s warm and real and bright... And the world has somehow shifted... All at once everything looks different... Now that I see you... ♫
